Wow, little one! We're almost going to be a family of four!
Crazy stuff.
I always hoped that we would have you two a little closer together, but I have loved loved loved getting almost four years to get to know YOU! You are sweet and thoughtful, fiery and hilarious, and really doing your best to learn how to be obedient even when it's REALLY, really hard. This has been your hard work lately.
I love how you love your sister. This evening when Grandma and Grandpa brought you home, you hugged my tummy first and yelled "Adessa!!! I missssssed you!" I really hope we can walk you two through all the sibling stuff in a way where you guys are always close. I'm so excited for you to have a sister.
Super funny. Daddy has started kissing your hand and saying "My Princess." The first time he did that, your eyes about set on fire and your face practically split from the smile. You were like, FINALLY! SOMEONE KNOWS WHO I AM!!! You're a total girl, princesses, ballerinas, jewelry, hair, dolls, you want to see how you look...so funny what gets built in. You're not bad (read: diva) about it in any way, but you definitely are drawn to the typical girl stuff.
We've been "playing" preschool--you're starting to write your letters if I remind you how to do it. And your counting is getting better--you can count well, but if you're counting actual items you tend to be like "whatever" and not match objects to numbers just point at things and counting them three times.
Alright honey, momma's going to head towards bed. I love you SO much and I miss you when you're sleeping. Can't wait to play tomorrow!! Erin is bringing MacKenzie and Evie over and I'm sure you all will tire each other out like crazy!
Showing posts with label Ena. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ena. Show all posts
Friday, March 23, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Ena - February 15th, 2012
Hi love!
I've been praying for you a bunch today. I wish my prayer life was more consistent...it's hard for me sometime to remember to connect with something as subtle as God is. My brain tends to focus on what is right in front of me. I keep idealizing women that can keep their homes in perfect order, live lives of prayer warriors for their children and exude patience. I don't think they really exist, exactly in that form, but their ghosts are everywhere. I don't measure up by half.
I'm growing melancholy as the winter gets deeper, I think.
Here's what I've been praying. I pray for JOY for you. In abundance. I pray that within your heart lies a spirit that is up for fun, gets inspired by things of beauty, and can invite others into that joy. You have bunches of joy so much of the time (especially any time you're with other kids) and it makes me so happy to see.
I pray for courage! Courage to make friends, courage to try new things, courage to face stuff you're afraid of. Courage to speak your mind, courage to befriend the friendless, courage to seek out the truth about who God is.
I pray for the right friends for you. I think that makes such a difference in how you trust people, the friends that you have when you're growing up. I know that you will go through heartache, I know that that heartache will give you empathy for others, but my holy father above, I want you to have a few strong steady loving friends that you can be yourself with, that you can be a giant goofball with, that you can be truthful with, that will support you and that you can support. I pray that friendship betrayal and bullying is warded away from you as much as possible.
I pray that I can break some of the chains that run in our family for you. My parents broke some for me (lack of affection and love into a warm family of love) I pray that I can break the chains of temper. The chains of eating addictions and using food as medicine. I pray that you never learn to reject yourself for fear that others will reject you if you don't.
And I pray that I don't break you! I pray that the little words I say, or frustration I show, any lack of patience, and this weird limbo of being far from our friends doesn't alter who you are, and that it falls away from you like water off of oil. I want your personality to stay as intact as possible.
Today, on the way to the doctors, we were talking and telling stories back and forth (mostly of how you were brave, and protecting your friends, and some stories about when you were born, because it helps you connect to Adessa) you told me that you were angry because your baby was crying. And then you said, "For Pete SAKES!"...I've heard that "for pete sakes," before...out of my own mouth when you were crying. And I try to tell myself that it's different, and there are things that are different because a lot of times you're crying over things where it really doesn't make much sense the EMOTION you're feeling compared to the cause, or it's something that has to happen and you're pissed about it...or it's a manipulative cry of sorts where you want me to stay in the room or do something you want...
But I recognized it. You said that to your doll because I've said that to you.
Well, my heart crumpled. I can be a great mom, and I can be a short-tempered crabby mom. Both of them live inside of me. I wish I could evict Mrs. Crabby, but I'm not sure how yet.
We talked further, about how I've said that to you before, and that it expresses frustration. We also talked about how mommy was sorry for when she was frustrated when you've cried and next time Mommy will stop and hug you when you cry. So that's my plan. We're very different people, babes, with very different wiring and that's all good. I'm going to do my best to learn how to handle my goofy frustrations so I can help you work through how you feel. We'll grow in this together. I needed an Ena to push me into learning this lesson.
Goofy things:
We took you to the Rainforest Cafe yesterday for Valentine's day (or Balentimes, as you like to call it.) and HOLY CRAP, were you enthralled. You weren't nearly as afraid as I thought you would be. You kept yelling "This is the BEST. RESTAURANT. EVER!!!! and we had to take dinner breaks to walk you over to the elephants or gorillas. You were just so excited the whole time. Not a big fan of the thunderstorm (as you told the waitress several times) but you just couldn't get enough of looking at the rain wall and the steam and all the animals. I can't wait to take you back! Everything was the BEST. EVER.
Then we went to the serpent safari right across the way (not all the way in, because we're waiting for when one of our girls Emma is working) but a girl had a yellow and white python outside the store around her shoulders. You walked right up to her and wanted to pet the snake, no fear or nothing. You keep describing it as SOFT. I was really really proud of you.
Also, today on the way home you were telling me that you were NOT TIRED, but that you just needed to "rest your eyes" for a few minutes. Well, that's turned into a two hour nap :)
I love you peanut. I'm excited for who you are and who you're growing into. Keep being you!!!
I love you!
I've been praying for you a bunch today. I wish my prayer life was more consistent...it's hard for me sometime to remember to connect with something as subtle as God is. My brain tends to focus on what is right in front of me. I keep idealizing women that can keep their homes in perfect order, live lives of prayer warriors for their children and exude patience. I don't think they really exist, exactly in that form, but their ghosts are everywhere. I don't measure up by half.
I'm growing melancholy as the winter gets deeper, I think.
Here's what I've been praying. I pray for JOY for you. In abundance. I pray that within your heart lies a spirit that is up for fun, gets inspired by things of beauty, and can invite others into that joy. You have bunches of joy so much of the time (especially any time you're with other kids) and it makes me so happy to see.
I pray for courage! Courage to make friends, courage to try new things, courage to face stuff you're afraid of. Courage to speak your mind, courage to befriend the friendless, courage to seek out the truth about who God is.
I pray for the right friends for you. I think that makes such a difference in how you trust people, the friends that you have when you're growing up. I know that you will go through heartache, I know that that heartache will give you empathy for others, but my holy father above, I want you to have a few strong steady loving friends that you can be yourself with, that you can be a giant goofball with, that you can be truthful with, that will support you and that you can support. I pray that friendship betrayal and bullying is warded away from you as much as possible.
I pray that I can break some of the chains that run in our family for you. My parents broke some for me (lack of affection and love into a warm family of love) I pray that I can break the chains of temper. The chains of eating addictions and using food as medicine. I pray that you never learn to reject yourself for fear that others will reject you if you don't.
And I pray that I don't break you! I pray that the little words I say, or frustration I show, any lack of patience, and this weird limbo of being far from our friends doesn't alter who you are, and that it falls away from you like water off of oil. I want your personality to stay as intact as possible.
Today, on the way to the doctors, we were talking and telling stories back and forth (mostly of how you were brave, and protecting your friends, and some stories about when you were born, because it helps you connect to Adessa) you told me that you were angry because your baby was crying. And then you said, "For Pete SAKES!"...I've heard that "for pete sakes," before...out of my own mouth when you were crying. And I try to tell myself that it's different, and there are things that are different because a lot of times you're crying over things where it really doesn't make much sense the EMOTION you're feeling compared to the cause, or it's something that has to happen and you're pissed about it...or it's a manipulative cry of sorts where you want me to stay in the room or do something you want...
But I recognized it. You said that to your doll because I've said that to you.
Well, my heart crumpled. I can be a great mom, and I can be a short-tempered crabby mom. Both of them live inside of me. I wish I could evict Mrs. Crabby, but I'm not sure how yet.
We talked further, about how I've said that to you before, and that it expresses frustration. We also talked about how mommy was sorry for when she was frustrated when you've cried and next time Mommy will stop and hug you when you cry. So that's my plan. We're very different people, babes, with very different wiring and that's all good. I'm going to do my best to learn how to handle my goofy frustrations so I can help you work through how you feel. We'll grow in this together. I needed an Ena to push me into learning this lesson.
Goofy things:
We took you to the Rainforest Cafe yesterday for Valentine's day (or Balentimes, as you like to call it.) and HOLY CRAP, were you enthralled. You weren't nearly as afraid as I thought you would be. You kept yelling "This is the BEST. RESTAURANT. EVER!!!! and we had to take dinner breaks to walk you over to the elephants or gorillas. You were just so excited the whole time. Not a big fan of the thunderstorm (as you told the waitress several times) but you just couldn't get enough of looking at the rain wall and the steam and all the animals. I can't wait to take you back! Everything was the BEST. EVER.
Then we went to the serpent safari right across the way (not all the way in, because we're waiting for when one of our girls Emma is working) but a girl had a yellow and white python outside the store around her shoulders. You walked right up to her and wanted to pet the snake, no fear or nothing. You keep describing it as SOFT. I was really really proud of you.
Also, today on the way home you were telling me that you were NOT TIRED, but that you just needed to "rest your eyes" for a few minutes. Well, that's turned into a two hour nap :)
I love you peanut. I'm excited for who you are and who you're growing into. Keep being you!!!
I love you!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Ena - February 8th, 2012
Oh woman, I think it may be time to declare our naps lost.
I don't think you've actually taken a nap in...at least two weeks. OR if you have, it's because we've put you down at like, four o'clock and then you refuse to go to sleep at night until 10 or 11 or so. I'm honestly not sure what to do, like right now, you got up in the middle of the night with a bad dream (something about a really loud car that woke you up. And your voice gets all quivery after a bad dream, it's so heart breaking.) So we talked and snuggled for awhile, and then you woke up again about 20 minutes later and talked and snuggled with Daddy...and then I couldn't sleep because while you were quiet, you rustled around in your crib for an HOUR after that.
Today you have dark circles under your eyes and you keep getting hiccups (both a mommy and Ena sign of TIRED!), but you're in your crib...refusing to sleep. I don't think it's that you don't need a nap...I think it's that you can't get yourself to lie down and take one until you're UBER tired at bedtime. I don't know. I was REALLY hoping you'd hold onto them until Adessa was here for awhile (or like, forever) and now...I basically make you "rest" in your crib for an hour, and then give you books for another half an hour...that's not necessarily a great mommy nap, if you know what I mean. I'm gonna have to figure this all out.
I feel at a loss to figure everything out. Also, our house is a complete disaster and it's overwhelming me. And for some reason, I want to make a zillion things, and buy a zillion more and just don't feel satisfied. I've gotta remember that it's February...and February and I never really get along very well.
I'm also feeling discouraged that our house hasn't sold or even had any showings for the past month or so. A few and then nothing again. I guess I really don't understand it. I want to get out there so that we can take care of our kids and our leaders, so we can settle you in a preschool, so I have a place to put Adessa that's not a drawer, and so I can make a little nest for us. And so your dad can be around us a lot more, and isn't exhausted from driving SO MUCH all the time. I hate being in a liminal phase and I feel like EVERYTHING is just ABOUT to transition, and I just have to wait and wait and wait until it finally does, but I don't know when it will.
Doing my best to enjoy life and YOU right now. I gave you a photo box today, and you've been putting all your "treasures" inside of it. We made lots of playdough snakes today and I let you watch more TV than normal because somehow, after lunch, your blues clues video started up and holy crap, if I can separate you from Blue. So I gave in and just let you watch...
And...are you sleeping right now? I'm not hearing the normal rustling...
Shhhh...
Love,
Momma
I don't think you've actually taken a nap in...at least two weeks. OR if you have, it's because we've put you down at like, four o'clock and then you refuse to go to sleep at night until 10 or 11 or so. I'm honestly not sure what to do, like right now, you got up in the middle of the night with a bad dream (something about a really loud car that woke you up. And your voice gets all quivery after a bad dream, it's so heart breaking.) So we talked and snuggled for awhile, and then you woke up again about 20 minutes later and talked and snuggled with Daddy...and then I couldn't sleep because while you were quiet, you rustled around in your crib for an HOUR after that.
Today you have dark circles under your eyes and you keep getting hiccups (both a mommy and Ena sign of TIRED!), but you're in your crib...refusing to sleep. I don't think it's that you don't need a nap...I think it's that you can't get yourself to lie down and take one until you're UBER tired at bedtime. I don't know. I was REALLY hoping you'd hold onto them until Adessa was here for awhile (or like, forever) and now...I basically make you "rest" in your crib for an hour, and then give you books for another half an hour...that's not necessarily a great mommy nap, if you know what I mean. I'm gonna have to figure this all out.
I feel at a loss to figure everything out. Also, our house is a complete disaster and it's overwhelming me. And for some reason, I want to make a zillion things, and buy a zillion more and just don't feel satisfied. I've gotta remember that it's February...and February and I never really get along very well.
I'm also feeling discouraged that our house hasn't sold or even had any showings for the past month or so. A few and then nothing again. I guess I really don't understand it. I want to get out there so that we can take care of our kids and our leaders, so we can settle you in a preschool, so I have a place to put Adessa that's not a drawer, and so I can make a little nest for us. And so your dad can be around us a lot more, and isn't exhausted from driving SO MUCH all the time. I hate being in a liminal phase and I feel like EVERYTHING is just ABOUT to transition, and I just have to wait and wait and wait until it finally does, but I don't know when it will.
Doing my best to enjoy life and YOU right now. I gave you a photo box today, and you've been putting all your "treasures" inside of it. We made lots of playdough snakes today and I let you watch more TV than normal because somehow, after lunch, your blues clues video started up and holy crap, if I can separate you from Blue. So I gave in and just let you watch...
And...are you sleeping right now? I'm not hearing the normal rustling...
Shhhh...
Love,
Momma
Monday, February 6, 2012
Ena - February 6th, 2012
Oh my silly girl.
I love what a little momma you're becoming. I think Adessa is in for a trip of a big sister. Today, you spent a solid forty minutes pretending to tuck me in, giving me animals, composing epic stories about ladybugs and forests looking at me with the HUGE eyes. A few weeks back, we went to our friend SunShine's house (she has Deacon and Maxx, and as of recently, Seonna.) Seonna is about a month old, and you pretty much ignored the boys entirely, and devoted yourself to standing next to a sleeping Seonna's cradle, holding her hand and putting her pacifier back in her mouth if it ever fell out.
Why do I have a feeling that there will be less sibling rivalry as there will be you being upset that you can't do everything to "mom" Adessa. Even now, you're talking about how you get to SHARE with Adessa! Your toys! You'll give her your toys! You'll change her diapers! You'll feed her yogurt! and bottles! CONSTANT VIGILANCE! Gosh, I hope this lasts until she's actually born. Though, I'm expecting it will, you've always been fascinated by kids that are littler than you. You've hugged random babies, just because you can.
We had a Cranmer family day today, going to the pet store (you really like watching the dogs get haircuts, and today there was a long-haired cat who was getting shaved and falling asleep on the table during it. I swear they must have drugged that kitty out of it's mind. You thought that was HILARIOUS.
You've started to sing a long with your veggie tales movies, but you don't want us to sing with you, and you're not too keen on us listening to you either. But it is the CUTEST FRIGGING THING AND OMG, IT'S SO CUTE! I swear that half of our lives are me and your dad looking at each other in the midst of a cuteness explosion.
You also spent a lot of tonight talking on your phone (one of my old abandoned cellphones) to a.) Aunt Susie b.) Nana and c.) the cats.
To bed with me, before I fall over. I love you sweetheart, this will get a bit more coherent as I feel like I'm caught up. Love you!
I love what a little momma you're becoming. I think Adessa is in for a trip of a big sister. Today, you spent a solid forty minutes pretending to tuck me in, giving me animals, composing epic stories about ladybugs and forests looking at me with the HUGE eyes. A few weeks back, we went to our friend SunShine's house (she has Deacon and Maxx, and as of recently, Seonna.) Seonna is about a month old, and you pretty much ignored the boys entirely, and devoted yourself to standing next to a sleeping Seonna's cradle, holding her hand and putting her pacifier back in her mouth if it ever fell out.
Why do I have a feeling that there will be less sibling rivalry as there will be you being upset that you can't do everything to "mom" Adessa. Even now, you're talking about how you get to SHARE with Adessa! Your toys! You'll give her your toys! You'll change her diapers! You'll feed her yogurt! and bottles! CONSTANT VIGILANCE! Gosh, I hope this lasts until she's actually born. Though, I'm expecting it will, you've always been fascinated by kids that are littler than you. You've hugged random babies, just because you can.
We had a Cranmer family day today, going to the pet store (you really like watching the dogs get haircuts, and today there was a long-haired cat who was getting shaved and falling asleep on the table during it. I swear they must have drugged that kitty out of it's mind. You thought that was HILARIOUS.
You've started to sing a long with your veggie tales movies, but you don't want us to sing with you, and you're not too keen on us listening to you either. But it is the CUTEST FRIGGING THING AND OMG, IT'S SO CUTE! I swear that half of our lives are me and your dad looking at each other in the midst of a cuteness explosion.
You also spent a lot of tonight talking on your phone (one of my old abandoned cellphones) to a.) Aunt Susie b.) Nana and c.) the cats.
To bed with me, before I fall over. I love you sweetheart, this will get a bit more coherent as I feel like I'm caught up. Love you!
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Ena - February 5th, 2012
Oof, well, there was a long stretch of no posting. I'll try to sum up where we've been.
We've been weaning you off "needing" mommy or daddy to help you as you potty. You know, literally, wiping your arse. You can do it all yourself, but you don't like to, and when I make you do it...it literally took you FORTY FIVE minutes everytime. omg, I was about to shoot myself. And we need you to be able to do everything by yourself because when Adessa shows up, if she's nursing, sorry, lady...you're on your own when it comes to pottying.
It was cause for some mommy/Ena strife. I tried everything I could think of to get you motivated (stickers, time-outs, fuzzies...) and like the true daughter of mine that you are, nothing worked...except m&ms. This works surprisingly well, and gets you in and out in about five minutes. Mommy can breathe again! Wooohooo! There was one night where you had gone to the potty, were FINALLY down (this was pre-m&ms) and called me back in to tell me you needed to potty again. I did everything for you and was reaaaally crabby doing it, finally I plopped you down in your crib and walked out the door.
About 5 minutes later, I was sitting there feeling awful and not wanting you to go to sleep having been crabbed at by the crabbiest of all crabs and I went back in, pulled you up (from where you were almost sleeping anyways) and snuggled you and apologized, and you actually apologized too and we forgave each other and gave our hearts to Jesus to clean up and then you told me about your day for another 20 minutes. I love you midget.
We've been weaning you off "needing" mommy or daddy to help you as you potty. You know, literally, wiping your arse. You can do it all yourself, but you don't like to, and when I make you do it...it literally took you FORTY FIVE minutes everytime. omg, I was about to shoot myself. And we need you to be able to do everything by yourself because when Adessa shows up, if she's nursing, sorry, lady...you're on your own when it comes to pottying.
It was cause for some mommy/Ena strife. I tried everything I could think of to get you motivated (stickers, time-outs, fuzzies...) and like the true daughter of mine that you are, nothing worked...except m&ms. This works surprisingly well, and gets you in and out in about five minutes. Mommy can breathe again! Wooohooo! There was one night where you had gone to the potty, were FINALLY down (this was pre-m&ms) and called me back in to tell me you needed to potty again. I did everything for you and was reaaaally crabby doing it, finally I plopped you down in your crib and walked out the door.
About 5 minutes later, I was sitting there feeling awful and not wanting you to go to sleep having been crabbed at by the crabbiest of all crabs and I went back in, pulled you up (from where you were almost sleeping anyways) and snuggled you and apologized, and you actually apologized too and we forgave each other and gave our hearts to Jesus to clean up and then you told me about your day for another 20 minutes. I love you midget.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Ena - January 21st, 2012
Ha! We bought you a trampoline! I was worried that you weren't getting enough time to play around and be physical and get all your preschooler energy out...uh, problem solved. You LOVE it. It's one of the first things you want to do in the morning as soon as you get up. Right now, you're loving when I count how many times you bounce. We were up to 500 tonight and I finally had to give in. Holy crap, kid. But you sleep better, and your cheeks look more rosy so I'm a happy momma.
Let's see. You went to Nana's and big wheeled around her basement in your helmet, went to Photo's for hotdogs and ice cream, and along with your little ice cream cone, Papa gave you a quarter of his milk shake. He's hilarious with feeding you treats, like he tries to be all sneaky about it. We went on vacation with Nana and Papa a couple of times, and he would always slip you donuts or bits of waffle during breakfast. The other day, you and Dad went over to eat dinner with them while I taught some lessons and you walked in on Papa who had broken a wine glass and was trying to vacuum it up, while holding onto his walker and being attached to his oxygen. You were super sleepy because you had fallen asleep in the car (super rare for you). So Colin made Papa sit down and stuck you on the couch next to him while he cleaned up and you snuggled right in to Papa's side. And about every ten seconds, Papa would lean over and kiss you on the top of the head. He was very happy with his Ena-girl.
Goofy stuff you've said:
"Perhaps I should get off my trampoline now."
"This ice cream has a delicious flavor."
As you can probably tell...we don't really do the whole baby talk thing with you. Your vocab (and ability to use it accurately) is awesome kiddo, but it's always amazing when you use it so properly. Adorable.
I love you so much!
--Momma
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Ena - January 18th, 2012
Short post because I don't want to break the string for too long...otherwise it's too easy to slip back into not updating.
Goofy stuff you've said: We went to a gas station on the way to nana's, gas light already on and pulled into a station that was completely out of gas. Your dad was frustrated, and you said very self-assuredly, "It's okay, Dad. We'll find you another gas place that has gas. Don't worry." And then you sat back in your car seat, very satisfied that you had fixed it.
You also have been climbing into my downstairs closet as I switch the laundry to be "an astronaut in space." Today you tried to convince me to let you take your nap down there because it's "very comfortable."
I was crabby as all get out at you yesterday, because I got a call from my OB saying that Adessa isn't growing the way that she's supposed to and they want to double check a lot of things. Which means, I have to go for another ultrasound and while it's possible that it's absolutely nothing (and most likely that they are off on my due date, which I wouldn't be surprised about)...but that it could be a something. I apologized at the end of the day, and you told me that you forgave me and we snuggled it out.
What's weird is I don't feel that much about it, but I am able to be ragingly pissed (mostly internal and restrained) on a dime right now. So, I'm burying something somewhere...I just can't quite access it. Lots of music and worship time today helped surface some of it and we had a good silly day together. I think you can sense something's up...you had your first accident in quite literally, months, and didn't want to do anything by yourself the whole day. You're also pushing on all of the boundaries while mommy's defenses are weak, which yesterday I didn't handle so well, but today I took it more in stride.
Weird how when things go wrong...it all happens at the same time. Your baby monitor broke, our car is out of alignment and not drivable, the furnace has been giving us troubles off and on and right now decided to poop out again..., and my phone did this weird update and now can only connect in roam or it drops calls. And the doctor bills. Frustrating, tiring....expensive.
I love you sweetheart. Your eyes are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Big giant blue-gray eyes blinking at me with these long feathery lashes. I love that you're my little buddy during the day, and I miss you when you sleep. (Even though sometimes I can't wait until you're sleeping...parenting is exhausting, don't get me wrong.) But then I miss you again.
Goofy stuff you've said: We went to a gas station on the way to nana's, gas light already on and pulled into a station that was completely out of gas. Your dad was frustrated, and you said very self-assuredly, "It's okay, Dad. We'll find you another gas place that has gas. Don't worry." And then you sat back in your car seat, very satisfied that you had fixed it.
You also have been climbing into my downstairs closet as I switch the laundry to be "an astronaut in space." Today you tried to convince me to let you take your nap down there because it's "very comfortable."
I was crabby as all get out at you yesterday, because I got a call from my OB saying that Adessa isn't growing the way that she's supposed to and they want to double check a lot of things. Which means, I have to go for another ultrasound and while it's possible that it's absolutely nothing (and most likely that they are off on my due date, which I wouldn't be surprised about)...but that it could be a something. I apologized at the end of the day, and you told me that you forgave me and we snuggled it out.
What's weird is I don't feel that much about it, but I am able to be ragingly pissed (mostly internal and restrained) on a dime right now. So, I'm burying something somewhere...I just can't quite access it. Lots of music and worship time today helped surface some of it and we had a good silly day together. I think you can sense something's up...you had your first accident in quite literally, months, and didn't want to do anything by yourself the whole day. You're also pushing on all of the boundaries while mommy's defenses are weak, which yesterday I didn't handle so well, but today I took it more in stride.
Weird how when things go wrong...it all happens at the same time. Your baby monitor broke, our car is out of alignment and not drivable, the furnace has been giving us troubles off and on and right now decided to poop out again..., and my phone did this weird update and now can only connect in roam or it drops calls. And the doctor bills. Frustrating, tiring....expensive.
I love you sweetheart. Your eyes are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Big giant blue-gray eyes blinking at me with these long feathery lashes. I love that you're my little buddy during the day, and I miss you when you sleep. (Even though sometimes I can't wait until you're sleeping...parenting is exhausting, don't get me wrong.) But then I miss you again.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
January 14th, 2012
Hi lady! You slept at Grandma and Grandpa's last night again. I think it's getting pretty normal for you. Your dad and I went to his staff party, and I'm so glad that you're going to see church done in and around these people. They're real, honest, laidback and goofy folk--who happen to think drinking shots is hilarious. It's just such a place of health that I'm happy that we've landed here. No church is perfect, but man, our family has been through the wringer with church hurt. It's nice to be in a place that while it's not perfect...is much MUCH safer than any other place we've been.
We had an ultrasound the other day, and you were cracking the technician up like crazy. She wasn't an easy egg, either. You asked her what her name was, and insisted that you're going to feed the baby yogurt, and when I told you I had to pee, you told me to "Squeeze your butt together, mom!" And then we found out that...we're having a girl! You're going to have a sister!
So crazy. I'm so overjoyed and glad that you get to experience having a sibling that's yours. I feel like all my life I've wanted to have that claim with someone and as deep as a friendship can go and as much as people say "we're sisters, or they're my REAL family"...there's something about know that genes and DNA and some mysterious tie makes that person legitimately yours in a way that they are no one else's. At least...that's how it looks to someone who has no siblings! Weird that you'll probably be each other's maids of honor, and you'll bitch about us to each other and know just what the other is talking about.
I'm excited to see you as a big sister. Your instinct is already to take care of all the other littles around you, so I'm so excited to be able to give you a little that's genuinely yours to snuggle and help take care of. We've got some growth that we need to do with you to get you to a place that I think we need to be when a baby comes:
I'd like you to be sleeping in a big bed. And I need to make snacks that you can get yourself from the refrigerator. I'd LOVE for you to be fully potty trained at night, we're still doing pull ups and nap and bedtime and you PEE. IT. UP. like the second you get a diaper on. I think we just need to take them off and let you have some accidents and then you'll be fine. We had to do the same thing during the day but you nailed it in a week as soon as diapers weren't an option...so I think we just need to suck it up and lose the diapers at night. And I think the last one is that you need to be able to go to the potty, wipe and wash your hands all on your own. Right now, I'm helping you still and I'm pretty sure if I set you up a little better you could do the whole thing by yourself. (I'm just envisioning myself nursing a baby and you needing to go to the potty and me unable to help...)
You're also painting about...oh, three hours a DAY right now. You love your watercolors and go back to them over and over, and each time you'll paint for a half hour or more. You love it! I'm saving all your pictures because daddy wants to make them into a big art piece for you. I'm glad because you are extremely "art prolific" and I was wondering what to do with all of it! (I tend to be unsentimental and throw things away, but I always feel a little bad, so I'm glad he's got a cool way to preserve stuff.
Alright, you goofy little peanut. I love you so much!
We had an ultrasound the other day, and you were cracking the technician up like crazy. She wasn't an easy egg, either. You asked her what her name was, and insisted that you're going to feed the baby yogurt, and when I told you I had to pee, you told me to "Squeeze your butt together, mom!" And then we found out that...we're having a girl! You're going to have a sister!
So crazy. I'm so overjoyed and glad that you get to experience having a sibling that's yours. I feel like all my life I've wanted to have that claim with someone and as deep as a friendship can go and as much as people say "we're sisters, or they're my REAL family"...there's something about know that genes and DNA and some mysterious tie makes that person legitimately yours in a way that they are no one else's. At least...that's how it looks to someone who has no siblings! Weird that you'll probably be each other's maids of honor, and you'll bitch about us to each other and know just what the other is talking about.
I'm excited to see you as a big sister. Your instinct is already to take care of all the other littles around you, so I'm so excited to be able to give you a little that's genuinely yours to snuggle and help take care of. We've got some growth that we need to do with you to get you to a place that I think we need to be when a baby comes:
I'd like you to be sleeping in a big bed. And I need to make snacks that you can get yourself from the refrigerator. I'd LOVE for you to be fully potty trained at night, we're still doing pull ups and nap and bedtime and you PEE. IT. UP. like the second you get a diaper on. I think we just need to take them off and let you have some accidents and then you'll be fine. We had to do the same thing during the day but you nailed it in a week as soon as diapers weren't an option...so I think we just need to suck it up and lose the diapers at night. And I think the last one is that you need to be able to go to the potty, wipe and wash your hands all on your own. Right now, I'm helping you still and I'm pretty sure if I set you up a little better you could do the whole thing by yourself. (I'm just envisioning myself nursing a baby and you needing to go to the potty and me unable to help...)
You're also painting about...oh, three hours a DAY right now. You love your watercolors and go back to them over and over, and each time you'll paint for a half hour or more. You love it! I'm saving all your pictures because daddy wants to make them into a big art piece for you. I'm glad because you are extremely "art prolific" and I was wondering what to do with all of it! (I tend to be unsentimental and throw things away, but I always feel a little bad, so I'm glad he's got a cool way to preserve stuff.
Alright, you goofy little peanut. I love you so much!
Saturday, January 7, 2012
January 7th, 2012
Well! You had your very first sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa's last night. And you did fantastic! I think you had a bunch of fun and you weren't as clingy as I thought you'd be (was hoping you'd be) when you got home. I'm so proud of you, big girl! Your dad and I had a nice dinner and movie date. It was nice to be a couple but really nice to get you back and be a little family again. I'm really glad you did so well, honey.
It's bedtime now, and Daddy is in there cuddling and talking with you. (I put you down, but sometimes he has more patience when you're stalling BIG TIME like you were tonight. Every couple of minutes, something new that you need or want or forgot) You guys are the CUTEST! We painted and played with a magnet game (You can paint and draw for...hours, it's crazy) and then you pretended to be a cat and crawled up in your dad's lap for cuddles. That's what the picture is from.
Goofy things you've said/done today:
Well, you have been working on your winking and today your dad taught you to close one eye and growl "ARGH!" like a pirate. It's pretty awesome.
We had honey pork chops tonight and you kept calling them "Forkchops."
When I was getting you dressed from your bath we kept yelling back and forth "I love you! Yes I do!"
Friday, January 6, 2012
January 6th, 2012
Peanut! Oof, I'm nervous. Tonight you are spending the first night away from us...ever. We're trying to get you used to sleeping over at Grandma and Grandpa's before you HAVE to when I go to the hospital to have your little sibling. (We find out if it's a boy or girl next Tuesday!) So, we're doing a sleepover a month or so you can experience it. I keep trying to talk it up about how exciting and fun it's going to be--but I'm not sure I'm selling it amazingly because...well, I'm SCARED! Isn't that silly? You're going to be in a place where you're SO loved and going to be spoiled and taken care of...and I'm scared that you're going to be sad or confused or miss your momma...reality is, you're probably going to be just fine. I'm praying you're going to be just fine...because at some point, you're not going to have an option.
SO! You're going to sleep over at GRANDMA's!!!!! It's going to be SO FUN! You're going to nap, and then you're going to sleep there at NIGHT TOO! And Grandpa's going to make you a YUMMY breakfast!!! WON'T THAT BE FUN!?!?
Meanwhile, Mommy and Daddy will be slightly stressed out at home. But we're going on a date, so that will be fun!
Also, we have two house showings today that we need to clean up for...though the house is in pretty good shape because I cleaned after the Christmas explosion. Maybe this will be it and we will finally sell our house and get to move close to church! And have a place to put the baby other than in a drawer.
Goofy things you've done:
Lately, you've been doing this weird thing with your eye, kinda of half closing it and looking like you're super drunk. I asked you about it and you said, "I'm WINKING at you, Moooom."
SO! You're going to sleep over at GRANDMA's!!!!! It's going to be SO FUN! You're going to nap, and then you're going to sleep there at NIGHT TOO! And Grandpa's going to make you a YUMMY breakfast!!! WON'T THAT BE FUN!?!?
Meanwhile, Mommy and Daddy will be slightly stressed out at home. But we're going on a date, so that will be fun!
Also, we have two house showings today that we need to clean up for...though the house is in pretty good shape because I cleaned after the Christmas explosion. Maybe this will be it and we will finally sell our house and get to move close to church! And have a place to put the baby other than in a drawer.
Goofy things you've done:
Lately, you've been doing this weird thing with your eye, kinda of half closing it and looking like you're super drunk. I asked you about it and you said, "I'm WINKING at you, Moooom."
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
January 3rd/4th, 2012
Whoops, already missed one day. Go figure. Well, the upside of you having been super sick is that it reset your schedule back to AWESOME! You wake up at 8, sleep at 1:30/2, get up at 4:30, and go back to bed at 8:30. This is what I've been trying to nail for MONTHS. The original schedule went something like wake up at 8:30 or 9, refuse to nap, be exhausted by 4, fall asleep until 6, stay up until 10 or 11. Not good. It was just getting worse and worse. The only thing I don't know about is what we're going to do at Youth Group on Sunday...you still have to stay up until 10 or 11. Maybe you'll fall asleep on the way home this time. We'll work it out I'm sure, but I don't want to lose this!
We went to the library at 7 last night to let you play with a friend (Olivia). You guys made a huge train track on the floor and had a giant giggle fest doing it while her mom and I watched you from the rockers. I'm trying to be better this year about making sure you're around other littles regularly. It's been difficult because our community is really out in Gurnee, which we're not by, and the community that we're by...well, let's just say they're hard to nail down. Maybe it's me. Not a lot of extra money for classes or preschool right now...just trying to make it work, which is a challenge to my introverted self. Everybody's got a learning curve, right?
I've also been researching a lot of Waldorf curriculum for the meantime (which is basically, do life and play)...I'm so stressed out about your schooling right now. This probably sounds ridiculous...but I don't want to squash you. You have such a beautiful little light, my little joy monster, and I'm afraid to put you in a place that put pressure on you or has kids that will bully you. It's like I can't think my way out of this whole mess. I don't want to shelter you so that you become unable to deal with idiot people or idiotic circumstances, but I don't want you to hit them so hard that they put your light out or take your joy of just being alive. I want you to LOVE to learn. I want to you to explore, not regurgitate facts. It's literally putting a grey cloud over me right now because I can't figure it out. It's probably my own junk too...I feel like I formed a shell at a very young age around who I was to protect myself from mean kids and incompetent teachers, and it made me jaded and cynical and it still pops up more than I'd like. We'll figure it out as we go, I suppose, and we'll listen to you and help you discover who you are and what you need.
I love you, sweetheart, and we'll figure it out together.
Love,
Momma
We went to the library at 7 last night to let you play with a friend (Olivia). You guys made a huge train track on the floor and had a giant giggle fest doing it while her mom and I watched you from the rockers. I'm trying to be better this year about making sure you're around other littles regularly. It's been difficult because our community is really out in Gurnee, which we're not by, and the community that we're by...well, let's just say they're hard to nail down. Maybe it's me. Not a lot of extra money for classes or preschool right now...just trying to make it work, which is a challenge to my introverted self. Everybody's got a learning curve, right?
I've also been researching a lot of Waldorf curriculum for the meantime (which is basically, do life and play)...I'm so stressed out about your schooling right now. This probably sounds ridiculous...but I don't want to squash you. You have such a beautiful little light, my little joy monster, and I'm afraid to put you in a place that put pressure on you or has kids that will bully you. It's like I can't think my way out of this whole mess. I don't want to shelter you so that you become unable to deal with idiot people or idiotic circumstances, but I don't want you to hit them so hard that they put your light out or take your joy of just being alive. I want you to LOVE to learn. I want to you to explore, not regurgitate facts. It's literally putting a grey cloud over me right now because I can't figure it out. It's probably my own junk too...I feel like I formed a shell at a very young age around who I was to protect myself from mean kids and incompetent teachers, and it made me jaded and cynical and it still pops up more than I'd like. We'll figure it out as we go, I suppose, and we'll listen to you and help you discover who you are and what you need.
I love you, sweetheart, and we'll figure it out together.
Love,
Momma
Monday, January 2, 2012
January 2nd, 2012
Holy hilarious, kiddo. We just got back from a party at Nana's--and you had missed your nap to go, which usually is no big deal, but this virus REALLY must have taken it out of you. I look back as we pull into the drive and you had completely konked out and were snoring in your carseat. Dad and I had to carry you in and put you in your jammies--and while this might be normal for most kids--YOU rarely fall asleep in the car and if you ever do, you wake up as soon as we move you. I've never seen you this floppy! Your sweet face gets all smooshy and angelic, your hair a static monster from your kitty hat, and you're barely conscious of us yanking a dress over your face (poorly).
You were a sweetheart at Nana's, but have fallen into a new pattern that you picked up in the TWO days you were ill. Because your crying got so much attention when you were sick, now you've taken to crying whenever something's not going your way (like Aunt Meg's using a chair you want to sit in, or Mommy's across the room). We're pulling that one up short on you, which means you're crying in the corner a lot right now. Poor kiddo, but I'm having none of it.
Goofy stuff you said today:
Dad was looking for a towel that I had brought up for him, and said so from the bedroom. You proceeded to yell, "DAD! IT'S RIGHT THERE! IN FRONT OF YOU! LOOK HARDER!" Which was what I was thinking. It tickled me so much that you and I got in a massive giggle fest for the next fifteen minutes. He found the towel. Good directions, sweetheart!
You were a sweetheart at Nana's, but have fallen into a new pattern that you picked up in the TWO days you were ill. Because your crying got so much attention when you were sick, now you've taken to crying whenever something's not going your way (like Aunt Meg's using a chair you want to sit in, or Mommy's across the room). We're pulling that one up short on you, which means you're crying in the corner a lot right now. Poor kiddo, but I'm having none of it.
Goofy stuff you said today:
Dad was looking for a towel that I had brought up for him, and said so from the bedroom. You proceeded to yell, "DAD! IT'S RIGHT THERE! IN FRONT OF YOU! LOOK HARDER!" Which was what I was thinking. It tickled me so much that you and I got in a massive giggle fest for the next fifteen minutes. He found the towel. Good directions, sweetheart!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
January 2012
Oh my little darling. I keep wanting to update things or write down everything. So here's my goal: I want to update (short) once a day for all of 2012. I've tried this before, but I want to capture YOU right now, as you are. Because you're hilarious.
So here goes.
You've been REALLY sick for the past couple of days...sick to the point where you've been crying and angry. Usually, you bop through colds and fevers like they're nothing, this is one of the first ones that's ever slowed you down. You've having a hard time sleeping at night...last night was AWFUL. You can't breathe through your nose, so all your consonants are messed up (Right now, my name is Bommby.) But, you managed to get about 6 straight hours of sleep last night and woke up in muuuuch better spirits. Now we just have to undo all the mega-spoiling you've been receiving. (i.e. I fed you bread in the middle of the night, let you sleep with a sippy of apple juice because you SCREAMED when you drank water, have had innumerable popsicles, let you take baths without making you wash your hair...) It's funny because you are usually very easy going and happy (and articulate! You've lost all ability to form complete sentences and resorted to pointing, grunting and whining to get your point across). When you started talking again, I knew we were on the upswing.
I just love you so much, kiddo. Seeing you SO upset and in pain and frustrating has little made my heart catapult itself outwards and fall on the floor in a terrible stressed jumble.
Goofy things you said today:
In the middle of eating dinner out of NOWHERE, you looked up and said "I LOVE Cows!"
You insist on being the one to pray at every meal, and tonight you said "I love my family, and (and then you whispered to me: Do you know? She had shoes on...)
NIght night baby...please please please sleep.
Love,
Mom
So here goes.
You've been REALLY sick for the past couple of days...sick to the point where you've been crying and angry. Usually, you bop through colds and fevers like they're nothing, this is one of the first ones that's ever slowed you down. You've having a hard time sleeping at night...last night was AWFUL. You can't breathe through your nose, so all your consonants are messed up (Right now, my name is Bommby.) But, you managed to get about 6 straight hours of sleep last night and woke up in muuuuch better spirits. Now we just have to undo all the mega-spoiling you've been receiving. (i.e. I fed you bread in the middle of the night, let you sleep with a sippy of apple juice because you SCREAMED when you drank water, have had innumerable popsicles, let you take baths without making you wash your hair...) It's funny because you are usually very easy going and happy (and articulate! You've lost all ability to form complete sentences and resorted to pointing, grunting and whining to get your point across). When you started talking again, I knew we were on the upswing.
I just love you so much, kiddo. Seeing you SO upset and in pain and frustrating has little made my heart catapult itself outwards and fall on the floor in a terrible stressed jumble.
Goofy things you said today:
In the middle of eating dinner out of NOWHERE, you looked up and said "I LOVE Cows!"
You insist on being the one to pray at every meal, and tonight you said "I love my family, and (and then you whispered to me: Do you know? She had shoes on...)
NIght night baby...please please please sleep.
Love,
Mom
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Thinking that...
A sleepy smile given around two fingers inhabiting such a sweet mouth
+
A little hand that reaches up to touch my neck
+
The wiggling of tiny feet encased in a blue sleeper
=
The reason why nothing I'm doing is more important than this moment.
+
A little hand that reaches up to touch my neck
+
The wiggling of tiny feet encased in a blue sleeper
=
The reason why nothing I'm doing is more important than this moment.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Introducing: The creatures.
So, we have one 6 month old baby, Helena (referred to here as Ena) and three cats. That's right. We're -this- much shy of being crazy cat people, and instead of putting their food in bowls scattering their food in handfuls on the floor akin to feeding chickens. Come to think of it, this may be equally effective.
Cats, as I have discovered, have personality. Being allergic to them, I had previously thought that cats were fuzzy allergens that seemed to be very attracted to me, seemingly for their penchant for watching my eyes swell shut as I claw at them crying "they itch, they itch!!!!!!!" But hey, then I got married to a dear man who said clutching these sweet purring sleeping cats that he would get rid of them if I needed him too. I said no, that's why God created allergy pills, and would you looooook at them, they're sleeping! And purring! OMG, and doing it upside down is that not the cutest(excuse me as I descend into cooing and unintelligable cat speak)(!!!)
Right, so then I had a baby (after we added one cat, my wisdom tooth extraction present). And while I love our cats, I would also take them to the nearest taxidermy and have them all stuffed. You wanna know why? Because we have a teeny tiny house with beautiful wood floors and 80 lbs cats that want to jump off the highest pieces of furniture known to man that can possible fit in this house. You know why else? Because there's three of them! That's right, two can be fighting and racing like antelope in heat (only heavier and wearing Dutch clogs) through the entire house, which takes all of 11 seconds, while the other is sleeping. So they can do it in shifts!! There can be an infinitum of cat revelry which also includes meowing loudly outside of Ena's room. Score!!
My way of dealing with this has been to get a nuclear grade spray bottle and spray them with water whenever they are being extra annoying. So, I've just super glued it to my hand. But you know what's really awesome about this, is spraying water at cats make them run. And meow! Wow, I've really solved this whole annoying problem!!!
Ena has also been very sensitive this week, and I just ordered a book on "wonderweeks" where apparently, as kids reach new developemental milestones they have meltdowns within certain weeks. Clingy, crying, and oh, the emotion!!! Everything turns into crying. Moved too fast? Cry. Too loud of noises? Cry. Feeling too much joy? Cry. (recently, she's added this half-laughing/half-crying stressed out exuberance thing to her repetoire that makes me concerned for her mental stability.) As I have taken her temperature threventyhundred times just to make sure she's okay, as well as checked everything else I could, and have concluded...developmental jump, teething, or growth spurt. And as my usually laidback extremely easy going baby has morphed into a very sensitive one, we'll be continue to keep an eye on her. She's better today though than yesterday, when she wouldn't go to sleep unless she was rocked. And the rocking can't be too fast. And I want to be upright which is obviously the most conducive for sleep. Okay, you can put me down a little. TOO FAR, TOOFAR!!!! (Cry!!!!) Okay, better. Sort of. For now. Now add the bouncing. TOO MUCH!!!! (Cry!!!!!) Where did you learn this crazy oceanic movement? I could have---zzzzz.
Oh thank god.
Cats, as I have discovered, have personality. Being allergic to them, I had previously thought that cats were fuzzy allergens that seemed to be very attracted to me, seemingly for their penchant for watching my eyes swell shut as I claw at them crying "they itch, they itch!!!!!!!" But hey, then I got married to a dear man who said clutching these sweet purring sleeping cats that he would get rid of them if I needed him too. I said no, that's why God created allergy pills, and would you looooook at them, they're sleeping! And purring! OMG, and doing it upside down is that not the cutest(excuse me as I descend into cooing and unintelligable cat speak)(!!!)
Right, so then I had a baby (after we added one cat, my wisdom tooth extraction present). And while I love our cats, I would also take them to the nearest taxidermy and have them all stuffed. You wanna know why? Because we have a teeny tiny house with beautiful wood floors and 80 lbs cats that want to jump off the highest pieces of furniture known to man that can possible fit in this house. You know why else? Because there's three of them! That's right, two can be fighting and racing like antelope in heat (only heavier and wearing Dutch clogs) through the entire house, which takes all of 11 seconds, while the other is sleeping. So they can do it in shifts!! There can be an infinitum of cat revelry which also includes meowing loudly outside of Ena's room. Score!!
My way of dealing with this has been to get a nuclear grade spray bottle and spray them with water whenever they are being extra annoying. So, I've just super glued it to my hand. But you know what's really awesome about this, is spraying water at cats make them run. And meow! Wow, I've really solved this whole annoying problem!!!
Ena has also been very sensitive this week, and I just ordered a book on "wonderweeks" where apparently, as kids reach new developemental milestones they have meltdowns within certain weeks. Clingy, crying, and oh, the emotion!!! Everything turns into crying. Moved too fast? Cry. Too loud of noises? Cry. Feeling too much joy? Cry. (recently, she's added this half-laughing/half-crying stressed out exuberance thing to her repetoire that makes me concerned for her mental stability.) As I have taken her temperature threventyhundred times just to make sure she's okay, as well as checked everything else I could, and have concluded...developmental jump, teething, or growth spurt. And as my usually laidback extremely easy going baby has morphed into a very sensitive one, we'll be continue to keep an eye on her. She's better today though than yesterday, when she wouldn't go to sleep unless she was rocked. And the rocking can't be too fast. And I want to be upright which is obviously the most conducive for sleep. Okay, you can put me down a little. TOO FAR, TOOFAR!!!! (Cry!!!!) Okay, better. Sort of. For now. Now add the bouncing. TOO MUCH!!!! (Cry!!!!!) Where did you learn this crazy oceanic movement? I could have---zzzzz.
Oh thank god.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)