Oh woman, I think it may be time to declare our naps lost.
I don't think you've actually taken a nap in...at least two weeks. OR if you have, it's because we've put you down at like, four o'clock and then you refuse to go to sleep at night until 10 or 11 or so. I'm honestly not sure what to do, like right now, you got up in the middle of the night with a bad dream (something about a really loud car that woke you up. And your voice gets all quivery after a bad dream, it's so heart breaking.) So we talked and snuggled for awhile, and then you woke up again about 20 minutes later and talked and snuggled with Daddy...and then I couldn't sleep because while you were quiet, you rustled around in your crib for an HOUR after that.
Today you have dark circles under your eyes and you keep getting hiccups (both a mommy and Ena sign of TIRED!), but you're in your crib...refusing to sleep. I don't think it's that you don't need a nap...I think it's that you can't get yourself to lie down and take one until you're UBER tired at bedtime. I don't know. I was REALLY hoping you'd hold onto them until Adessa was here for awhile (or like, forever) and now...I basically make you "rest" in your crib for an hour, and then give you books for another half an hour...that's not necessarily a great mommy nap, if you know what I mean. I'm gonna have to figure this all out.
I feel at a loss to figure everything out. Also, our house is a complete disaster and it's overwhelming me. And for some reason, I want to make a zillion things, and buy a zillion more and just don't feel satisfied. I've gotta remember that it's February...and February and I never really get along very well.
I'm also feeling discouraged that our house hasn't sold or even had any showings for the past month or so. A few and then nothing again. I guess I really don't understand it. I want to get out there so that we can take care of our kids and our leaders, so we can settle you in a preschool, so I have a place to put Adessa that's not a drawer, and so I can make a little nest for us. And so your dad can be around us a lot more, and isn't exhausted from driving SO MUCH all the time. I hate being in a liminal phase and I feel like EVERYTHING is just ABOUT to transition, and I just have to wait and wait and wait until it finally does, but I don't know when it will.
Doing my best to enjoy life and YOU right now. I gave you a photo box today, and you've been putting all your "treasures" inside of it. We made lots of playdough snakes today and I let you watch more TV than normal because somehow, after lunch, your blues clues video started up and holy crap, if I can separate you from Blue. So I gave in and just let you watch...
And...are you sleeping right now? I'm not hearing the normal rustling...
Shhhh...
Love,
Momma
No comments:
Post a Comment