Writing

On a completely different note, here is a published (or should I say, PUBLISHED?!) piece of writing that makes my self esteem go up several notches. Her hair was the color of a leopard's tongue, indeed.

http://vandonovan.livejournal.com/1088311.html

A little NSFW, but uh, hilarious.

And if you'd like to purchase it (PURCHASE IT?!) you can here:
http://www.amazon.com/Bronwyn-Silk-Steel/dp/1587520664/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1236726685&sr=8-1

Sickness

So, I have been feeling really nauseous on and off lately. It's strange. I think it's stress or not eating well or something, but my stomach has definitely had a bit of burn to it lately that seems to linger.

So, I, of course, after freaking myself out for a few weeks, because there were some other things that reminded me quite specifically of a certain other event that wound up in my life completely changing and a small human creature taking up residence in my house, took a pregnancy test. I had begun to be really careful about what I was eating and making sure not to take ibuprofen and all that other crazy stuff pregnant ladies do. I went back and forth on being convinced that I was, and convinced that I wasn't...granted the latter was the much more likely scenario.

I had told only two people that this might even be a possibility, and only because one needed to know and one guessed.

Sunday, when we got home from church, after I had taught and hung out and watched my daughter be passed around the room to more pairs of arms that wanted to play with her than there was time for, I took the pregnancy test.

It was negative.

And the reaction was the same from the people that I told. Well...good.

Right. Good! Totally a good thing. We don't have the money for new hospital bills or pre-natal expensicare. I'm tired as it is, Helena gets more time with just us, I'm an only child and really have no idea what the whole sibling things looks like...Good! Yeah, good! Right? Good.

SO why am I just a little bummed out?

Date Night

Guess who gets to remember what her husband looks like?

Me! I do, it's me! (bounce, bounce, bounce!) I vaguely remember him being very Nordic looking.

After our actual plans for tonight fell through, which were probably much more important but not nearly as fun as doing nothing, we looked at each other and realized...hey...we still have my dad and aunt coming over to watch Ena tonight...we could, wait, could we go out? With outness? Outside? Out out out---whoa, my brain just shut down, hang on.

I have to be honest, I don't go out very much. To the point where you might think I'm agoraphobic. Really, it's been ridiculously cold, and I hate cold. And I hear babies don't like cold. But the ultimate reason is that I hate our driveway. We live on the bottom of a hill and the apex of a curve and some genius decided to erect a concrete barrier two houses down that completely blocks any ability to see past the next driveway. And people come speeding down this hill, oblivious to the fact that hey, someone at sometime may want to come out of one of these driveways. (i.e. me). So you kind of just have to pray and go, and hope that you can sneak out before Speed Racer over there makes his final lap.

Now, this was okay when it was just me. I'm indestructible. But with Ena? If a car merely drives next to me while she's in the car, I get twitchy and if someone dares to cut me off or do some other stupid driving move that I'm sure I've done a bazillion times, this rage demon comes out and Samuel L. Jackson begins to blush somewhere and not know why. I'm extremely even-keeled but you mess with my kid and her safety and a tenth circle of hell will appear in the space/time continuum.

So, somehow without me even realizing it, Colin does all of the driving. I've morphed into my grandmother. Soon I'll be purchasing a beagle and feeding it so much it becomes eighty percent sausage and twenty percent air horn and telling Ena how much better children the cats are than her.

It probably doesn't help that Colin says things like, "don't go downstairs, those stairs are steep. Don't want to fall and have Helena upstairs alone crying." Uh, omygod. I'm going to start training the cats to call 911.

Thinking that...

A sleepy smile given around two fingers inhabiting such a sweet mouth
+
A little hand that reaches up to touch my neck
+
The wiggling of tiny feet encased in a blue sleeper
=

The reason why nothing I'm doing is more important than this moment.

Inauguration

So...CNN and Facebook had this lovely marriage of Live feed, which was awesome. Until about a bazillion people logged on, and guess who's feed went down RIGHT as Obama was being sworn in. If you guess me, you are right. Though I bet if you guess names of other people you'd probably be right as well. Fuh-Reaking out thus ensued. Seriously, I had been watching since nine in the morning, I had suffered through CNN trying to fill the hours where the Obama family was in church or invisible in their motorcade. I had seen his limo roll past excited people. I even listened to some woman in a horrible hat make inane remarks about "there are so many people!" "Do you hear the excitement??!! But what about the excitement!!??!!" I had watched the interviews where they accosted black people on the street about finally "having their day" (I'm still trying to decide if that's offensive), I know why Dick Cheney is in a wheelchair, I know there's no room for Bush to have his going away party in D.C., and how they handle moving the new president in. I am officially a creeper on our inauguration. Little addicted, I know. But personally, I think someone as dedicated as myself should have first dibs on bandwidth. You 11 o'clock slackers can go watch it on Hulu or something.

So, when my feed went down (we don't have television) I scrambled to find another one. MSNBC was slightly better, but froze every 10 seconds. At least I got to hear his speech, albeit with really long pauses. That plus a baby that decided to get fussy, right. then. didn't add to my enjoyment of the hiccupping feed. No matter. I'll watch the speech again with my hubby when we can hold hands in silence as a little family and hope good things for our country.

I think the thing that fascinates me the most about this is that President Obama (finally, btw.) looks like he's about to go get a massage instead of get sworn into presidency of a country that's on the brink. He's got decisions that I would not want to be in charge of and somehow manages to remain as cool as ice.

Here's hoping.

Introducing: The creatures.

So, we have one 6 month old baby, Helena (referred to here as Ena) and three cats. That's right. We're -this- much shy of being crazy cat people, and instead of putting their food in bowls scattering their food in handfuls on the floor akin to feeding chickens. Come to think of it, this may be equally effective.

Cats, as I have discovered, have personality. Being allergic to them, I had previously thought that cats were fuzzy allergens that seemed to be very attracted to me, seemingly for their penchant for watching my eyes swell shut as I claw at them crying "they itch, they itch!!!!!!!" But hey, then I got married to a dear man who said clutching these sweet purring sleeping cats that he would get rid of them if I needed him too. I said no, that's why God created allergy pills, and would you looooook at them, they're sleeping! And purring! OMG, and doing it upside down is that not the cutest(excuse me as I descend into cooing and unintelligable cat speak)(!!!)

Right, so then I had a baby (after we added one cat, my wisdom tooth extraction present). And while I love our cats, I would also take them to the nearest taxidermy and have them all stuffed. You wanna know why? Because we have a teeny tiny house with beautiful wood floors and 80 lbs cats that want to jump off the highest pieces of furniture known to man that can possible fit in this house. You know why else? Because there's three of them! That's right, two can be fighting and racing like antelope in heat (only heavier and wearing Dutch clogs) through the entire house, which takes all of 11 seconds, while the other is sleeping. So they can do it in shifts!! There can be an infinitum of cat revelry which also includes meowing loudly outside of Ena's room. Score!!

My way of dealing with this has been to get a nuclear grade spray bottle and spray them with water whenever they are being extra annoying. So, I've just super glued it to my hand. But you know what's really awesome about this, is spraying water at cats make them run. And meow! Wow, I've really solved this whole annoying problem!!!

Ena has also been very sensitive this week, and I just ordered a book on "wonderweeks" where apparently, as kids reach new developemental milestones they have meltdowns within certain weeks. Clingy, crying, and oh, the emotion!!! Everything turns into crying. Moved too fast? Cry. Too loud of noises? Cry. Feeling too much joy? Cry. (recently, she's added this half-laughing/half-crying stressed out exuberance thing to her repetoire that makes me concerned for her mental stability.) As I have taken her temperature threventyhundred times just to make sure she's okay, as well as checked everything else I could, and have concluded...developmental jump, teething, or growth spurt. And as my usually laidback extremely easy going baby has morphed into a very sensitive one, we'll be continue to keep an eye on her. She's better today though than yesterday, when she wouldn't go to sleep unless she was rocked. And the rocking can't be too fast. And I want to be upright which is obviously the most conducive for sleep. Okay, you can put me down a little. TOO FAR, TOOFAR!!!! (Cry!!!!) Okay, better. Sort of. For now. Now add the bouncing. TOO MUCH!!!! (Cry!!!!!) Where did you learn this crazy oceanic movement? I could have---zzzzz.

Oh thank god.