Whoops, already missed one day. Go figure. Well, the upside of you having been super sick is that it reset your schedule back to AWESOME! You wake up at 8, sleep at 1:30/2, get up at 4:30, and go back to bed at 8:30. This is what I've been trying to nail for MONTHS. The original schedule went something like wake up at 8:30 or 9, refuse to nap, be exhausted by 4, fall asleep until 6, stay up until 10 or 11. Not good. It was just getting worse and worse. The only thing I don't know about is what we're going to do at Youth Group on Sunday...you still have to stay up until 10 or 11. Maybe you'll fall asleep on the way home this time. We'll work it out I'm sure, but I don't want to lose this!
We went to the library at 7 last night to let you play with a friend (Olivia). You guys made a huge train track on the floor and had a giant giggle fest doing it while her mom and I watched you from the rockers. I'm trying to be better this year about making sure you're around other littles regularly. It's been difficult because our community is really out in Gurnee, which we're not by, and the community that we're by...well, let's just say they're hard to nail down. Maybe it's me. Not a lot of extra money for classes or preschool right now...just trying to make it work, which is a challenge to my introverted self. Everybody's got a learning curve, right?
I've also been researching a lot of Waldorf curriculum for the meantime (which is basically, do life and play)...I'm so stressed out about your schooling right now. This probably sounds ridiculous...but I don't want to squash you. You have such a beautiful little light, my little joy monster, and I'm afraid to put you in a place that put pressure on you or has kids that will bully you. It's like I can't think my way out of this whole mess. I don't want to shelter you so that you become unable to deal with idiot people or idiotic circumstances, but I don't want you to hit them so hard that they put your light out or take your joy of just being alive. I want you to LOVE to learn. I want to you to explore, not regurgitate facts. It's literally putting a grey cloud over me right now because I can't figure it out. It's probably my own junk too...I feel like I formed a shell at a very young age around who I was to protect myself from mean kids and incompetent teachers, and it made me jaded and cynical and it still pops up more than I'd like. We'll figure it out as we go, I suppose, and we'll listen to you and help you discover who you are and what you need.
I love you, sweetheart, and we'll figure it out together.
Love,
Momma
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