Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Ena - July 10th, 2012
Hi Ena girl!
You're sleeping at the moment. (I think)
Man, so much has happened in the last couple of months I'm not even sure where to start.
Well, first, Adessa was born. It was an interesting transition. You stayed with Grandma and Grandpa for three or four nights (at that point, night and day doesn't really have much reference) and I kept wanting to get home so you could be in your own bed and your own space again. Adessa had some other plans.
But you came to the hospital and we had the cutest family love fest ever.
You loved her right from the start. Our problem has never been jealousy and too this day I don't think you've ever expressed jealousy or anger towards her. It's almost been reigning in the love you've got and trying to keep you from squashing her! Even now, in the mornings when you see her for the first time you always say "Adeeeeesssa!!!" And run a give her a hug.
(I'd rather have that problem.)
Not to say it was perfectly smooth. Because of the close quarters of the Elgin house and your intense desire to love on your sister, all of a sudden it seemed like there was tons of "No, Ena." "Be quiet, Ena." "You can't, Ena." Can't swing the baby in the swing, Can't stomp around while the baby is sleeping, Can't go outside right now.
Trust me, we were both frustrated and my heart broke for you because you were just being a kid. We went on as many walks as possible just so you could run around without me having to say no!
Then something happened!
Nana decided that we needed to move ASAP. So she decided to give Daddy a large chunk of what she had inherited from his grandmother Eris (your great grandma. She passed away while I was pregnant with you.) Someday I'll tell the story about how great-grandma's husband's kids stole all her money while she had dementia. The only thing that Nana got from her mother was the house, and she gave a large chunk of the money from that to us.
Anyways, Dad decided that he was going to start looking at houses. He looked at several, and they were all nice but too small, or big but in terrible condition. Then he called me and said, "I found our house."
Can I tell you this? I never saw the house before we put a bid on it. We won the house in days! it was crazy. Then someone put a bid on our house! Also crazy. That fell through.
During all this, your Papa-Bob started getting worse. He couldn't remember much and started to hallucinate at night. I think Nana about ran herself into the ground trying to take care of him.
He passed away about a month after Adessa was born. You and your sister were some of the last people he was really conscious for. I think he had been waiting to see you guys. After that, he fell asleep and didn't wake back up.
I want you to know that he loved you very very very much. I think my favorite memory of him with you was when we went on a weekend vacation with Nana and Papa to Lake Geneva. We would do the continental breakfast with them every morning and you would sit next to Papa and he would slip you bits of donuts "secretly." You loved it.
The funeral was a few days later. It's been weird to process Papa dying with you, because you definitely knew something was going on. Dad called me the morning that it happened and we turned off the TV for me to tell you that Papa had died. I asked you if you knew what that meant and you said, "He went to go live with Jesus."
Yup, that about sums it up. We talked about how we would miss him and he wouldn't be here with us any more and that when people's bodies are old or sick, sometimes they stop working and die.
There's not a lot that you're satisfied with right now. We've talked about death, God, how Jesus lives in our hearts, how can Papa be with God, how did Adessa get in my tummy and er...how babies come out, and you have so many questions that it's hard to not wind up in some left field philosophical discussion that's way over your head.
Try explaining souls to a four year old.
We've processed Papa's death together a lot as it comes up. Passing gravestones we talk about how Papa has one and it's to help us remember him, seeing Nana, but not Papa, and occasionally you just miss him. I get that. It also comes up in play or conversation, the whole death thing. Your dolls get sick and the other dolls "talk" about how she's going to die, or you've had a cold for the past two days and asked me today if you were old and going to die. However, you trust me when I say no, and it hasn't seemed to rattle you much, but you're definitely exploring the theme of it.
We closed on the house soon after Papa's funeral.
Then after ALL that change, Dad was gone fixing up our new house for us to live in and it was just you, me and Adessa for awhile. We boxed up stuff, people visited us, and Dad was in and out occasionally.
Finally, it was moving day and we cleared out so Dad could move us. We went with Grandma and Grandpa and had a ball with them for five days so Dad and Nana could settle the house. (Lemme tell you, it was weird to let someone else move us. Also, I had only seen the house once for 20 minutes prior to us moving in.)
Finally, we arrived! You took to your new room (and new freaking BED!) like a champ and have been overwhelmingly positive about the house the whole time.
You can be loud downstairs while Dessa sleeps. You can run around in your new backyard. You have your own big room with all your toys in it and have done really well all over. You've also gotten more attached to your Daddy now that you've been able to be around him and see him every day. Not that it was bad before, but we had three days in the middle of the week where it was rare for you to see him, and then four days where he would be around a lot more. I'm actually a little nervous now for when he goes on the mission trip. I think it's going to affect you a lot more this time that it has ever before.
Phew. I think we're caught up. You're out iceskating with Dad right now and we'll see how that goes :)
Love you so much lady. I'm loving who you are and the games we play together. You're my joy.
Love,
Momma
Friday, March 23, 2012
Ena - March 23rd, 2012
Wow, little one! We're almost going to be a family of four!
Crazy stuff.
I always hoped that we would have you two a little closer together, but I have loved loved loved getting almost four years to get to know YOU! You are sweet and thoughtful, fiery and hilarious, and really doing your best to learn how to be obedient even when it's REALLY, really hard. This has been your hard work lately.
I love how you love your sister. This evening when Grandma and Grandpa brought you home, you hugged my tummy first and yelled "Adessa!!! I missssssed you!" I really hope we can walk you two through all the sibling stuff in a way where you guys are always close. I'm so excited for you to have a sister.
Super funny. Daddy has started kissing your hand and saying "My Princess." The first time he did that, your eyes about set on fire and your face practically split from the smile. You were like, FINALLY! SOMEONE KNOWS WHO I AM!!! You're a total girl, princesses, ballerinas, jewelry, hair, dolls, you want to see how you look...so funny what gets built in. You're not bad (read: diva) about it in any way, but you definitely are drawn to the typical girl stuff.
We've been "playing" preschool--you're starting to write your letters if I remind you how to do it. And your counting is getting better--you can count well, but if you're counting actual items you tend to be like "whatever" and not match objects to numbers just point at things and counting them three times.
Alright honey, momma's going to head towards bed. I love you SO much and I miss you when you're sleeping. Can't wait to play tomorrow!! Erin is bringing MacKenzie and Evie over and I'm sure you all will tire each other out like crazy!
Crazy stuff.
I always hoped that we would have you two a little closer together, but I have loved loved loved getting almost four years to get to know YOU! You are sweet and thoughtful, fiery and hilarious, and really doing your best to learn how to be obedient even when it's REALLY, really hard. This has been your hard work lately.
I love how you love your sister. This evening when Grandma and Grandpa brought you home, you hugged my tummy first and yelled "Adessa!!! I missssssed you!" I really hope we can walk you two through all the sibling stuff in a way where you guys are always close. I'm so excited for you to have a sister.
Super funny. Daddy has started kissing your hand and saying "My Princess." The first time he did that, your eyes about set on fire and your face practically split from the smile. You were like, FINALLY! SOMEONE KNOWS WHO I AM!!! You're a total girl, princesses, ballerinas, jewelry, hair, dolls, you want to see how you look...so funny what gets built in. You're not bad (read: diva) about it in any way, but you definitely are drawn to the typical girl stuff.
We've been "playing" preschool--you're starting to write your letters if I remind you how to do it. And your counting is getting better--you can count well, but if you're counting actual items you tend to be like "whatever" and not match objects to numbers just point at things and counting them three times.
Alright honey, momma's going to head towards bed. I love you SO much and I miss you when you're sleeping. Can't wait to play tomorrow!! Erin is bringing MacKenzie and Evie over and I'm sure you all will tire each other out like crazy!
Adessa - March 23rd, 2021
Come out! Come out! Come out!
Not that I wasn't excited before, but it's starting to get really real! I can't wait to have you here, so I can squash your cheeks and cuddle your and play with your feet (while simultaneously not having them kicking my internal organs.)
Last weekend, I went through and sorted all of Ena and your clothes, and squashed Ena's stuff into half her drawers and put your onesies and sleepers into the other drawers. And I put together your cradle. We still need to settle the carseat issue (whether we're buying a new one or using the one we used with Ena.) but we're pretty much as ready as we're going to be.
I had my last ultrasound yesterday with you (I had to do one more past the last one because they wanted to do a growth check). They showed me your brain! And your four chambered beating heart! Such cool stuff. They say you're measuring at 6 lbs 13 oz, plus or minus a pound, so we've graduated to being able to birth you when you decide (they've been talking about induction, which I am NOT a fan of.) because you've reached the goal weight and then some. SLASH you're not going to be the 10 lb moosey that Ena was, so I'm actually a lot more relaxed heading into labor.
I'm seeing pictures of other babies that were just born and I can't wait until we have our own squashy peanut to love on. I just want to get on to the next phase of figuring stuff out together, and seeing how our new little family fits together. Mommy's bad at waiting. That and nine months is a long time to know something's coming.
There's been a few contractions here and there...and I'm already dialated to 2 cm. It'll probably be a little bit yet, but I'm hoping that it'll be sooner rather than later.
I'm so curious about who you are, and I know it'll be a long time in coming to discover all of that, but at least I'll get some questions answered--what do you look like? What color hair will you have? What's your temperament going to be like?
All in all, come out here. Mommy wants to play! (So does Daddy. He keeps talking about how he wants his baby snuggles AND Ena comes in every morning saying "ADESSA! Come out!!! It's time to come out now!" So far you've been ignoring her, but I can't wait to see how you guys are with each other. I love you baby, see you soon!
Love,
Momma
Not that I wasn't excited before, but it's starting to get really real! I can't wait to have you here, so I can squash your cheeks and cuddle your and play with your feet (while simultaneously not having them kicking my internal organs.)
Last weekend, I went through and sorted all of Ena and your clothes, and squashed Ena's stuff into half her drawers and put your onesies and sleepers into the other drawers. And I put together your cradle. We still need to settle the carseat issue (whether we're buying a new one or using the one we used with Ena.) but we're pretty much as ready as we're going to be.
I had my last ultrasound yesterday with you (I had to do one more past the last one because they wanted to do a growth check). They showed me your brain! And your four chambered beating heart! Such cool stuff. They say you're measuring at 6 lbs 13 oz, plus or minus a pound, so we've graduated to being able to birth you when you decide (they've been talking about induction, which I am NOT a fan of.) because you've reached the goal weight and then some. SLASH you're not going to be the 10 lb moosey that Ena was, so I'm actually a lot more relaxed heading into labor.
I'm seeing pictures of other babies that were just born and I can't wait until we have our own squashy peanut to love on. I just want to get on to the next phase of figuring stuff out together, and seeing how our new little family fits together. Mommy's bad at waiting. That and nine months is a long time to know something's coming.
There's been a few contractions here and there...and I'm already dialated to 2 cm. It'll probably be a little bit yet, but I'm hoping that it'll be sooner rather than later.
I'm so curious about who you are, and I know it'll be a long time in coming to discover all of that, but at least I'll get some questions answered--what do you look like? What color hair will you have? What's your temperament going to be like?
All in all, come out here. Mommy wants to play! (So does Daddy. He keeps talking about how he wants his baby snuggles AND Ena comes in every morning saying "ADESSA! Come out!!! It's time to come out now!" So far you've been ignoring her, but I can't wait to see how you guys are with each other. I love you baby, see you soon!
Love,
Momma
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Adessa - February 19th, 2012
Hi little lady!
Well, you had your BIG ultrasound the other day. (I should figure out how to put the pics up...but to be frank, ultrasound shots are so hard to figure out anyways, it would probably not look like much.) The day before, I could barely walk. According to my doctor, you were breach and sitting on my ligaments that connect the two sides of my pelvis in front and...holy crap. It makes any leg movement SO painful. Walking, getting up, (though moving only one leg is the worst!) With Ena's pregnancy, I would go for walks and do yoga, with you...sometimes it's difficult just sitting.
So a sunday ago, I went with your Dad to church and was feeling AWFUL. To the point where he had to drive me back home the hour and a half before youth group that night, and then drive back to run AtF. The fact that I asked him to drive an extra three hours to take me home should let you know how much pain I was in. I could barely walk, stairs were out of the question, any movement was excruciating. In fact, my parents came over to take care of Ena so that I could sit there like a giant lump and do nothing. (and nap)
I lay on an upside down incline for about 30 minutes, and you were moving around like CRAZY. I thought I felt you change, but just couldn't tell...and then when I woke up, I felt WORSE.
Fast forward to the next morning before the ultrasound, and it felt like a lot of the pressure was gone. It still hurt, but not anywhere close to what the day before was. Then we go for the ultrasound and they tell us that you flipped over and were head down now! Hooray! This means I can have you naturally, instead of the C-section that they were thinking about.
They showed us SO much in that ultrasound. It was crazy! We got to see your little face (poor thing, you're all smashed up against the uterine wall...it's getting tight in there!) and you have hair!!! (which means we're guessing that my hair won again and you'll be darker haired like Ena and me.) We got to see your spine, and kidneys, and two of the coolest moments were when they showed your heart. We could see all four chambers of your hear pumping, and then they turned on the doppler radar to show the blood flow through both sides, which showed that your heart walls were well-formed and there wasn't crossover between the two. You have chubby cheeks and chubby legs, and long feet. The other thing that was the absolute coolest was the tech zoomed in on your eye and we could see you blinking and looking around. You could actually see your iris moving back and forth like you were watching something. I have no idea what, but it was awesome!
They said that you are just a little on the smaller side, but you're perfect. Because Ena was SO BIG, they figured that you would follow suit. Apparently, you march to the beat of your own drum, kiddo. They project you to come out around 7 lbs, which is actually making me SO happy, because if I naturally birthed a 10 lb baby, you should be a snap. Actually, I'm a little relieved. Phew! (Now, I just need to control my sugar intake so I don't inadvertently make you huge (or colicky, when you have to do the withdrawal out here.) Must. Eat. Less. Sugar.
Now that you're head down, I feel a little better, but it's still pretty bad. I may go to physical therapy, but I'm not sure yet what I want to do. But now you're kicking up high and your daddy plays "chase the foot" when you get all wiggly. We love you sweetie, and can't wait to meet you!
Get cooked and then come out!!!
Love,
Momma
Well, you had your BIG ultrasound the other day. (I should figure out how to put the pics up...but to be frank, ultrasound shots are so hard to figure out anyways, it would probably not look like much.) The day before, I could barely walk. According to my doctor, you were breach and sitting on my ligaments that connect the two sides of my pelvis in front and...holy crap. It makes any leg movement SO painful. Walking, getting up, (though moving only one leg is the worst!) With Ena's pregnancy, I would go for walks and do yoga, with you...sometimes it's difficult just sitting.
So a sunday ago, I went with your Dad to church and was feeling AWFUL. To the point where he had to drive me back home the hour and a half before youth group that night, and then drive back to run AtF. The fact that I asked him to drive an extra three hours to take me home should let you know how much pain I was in. I could barely walk, stairs were out of the question, any movement was excruciating. In fact, my parents came over to take care of Ena so that I could sit there like a giant lump and do nothing. (and nap)
I lay on an upside down incline for about 30 minutes, and you were moving around like CRAZY. I thought I felt you change, but just couldn't tell...and then when I woke up, I felt WORSE.
Fast forward to the next morning before the ultrasound, and it felt like a lot of the pressure was gone. It still hurt, but not anywhere close to what the day before was. Then we go for the ultrasound and they tell us that you flipped over and were head down now! Hooray! This means I can have you naturally, instead of the C-section that they were thinking about.
They showed us SO much in that ultrasound. It was crazy! We got to see your little face (poor thing, you're all smashed up against the uterine wall...it's getting tight in there!) and you have hair!!! (which means we're guessing that my hair won again and you'll be darker haired like Ena and me.) We got to see your spine, and kidneys, and two of the coolest moments were when they showed your heart. We could see all four chambers of your hear pumping, and then they turned on the doppler radar to show the blood flow through both sides, which showed that your heart walls were well-formed and there wasn't crossover between the two. You have chubby cheeks and chubby legs, and long feet. The other thing that was the absolute coolest was the tech zoomed in on your eye and we could see you blinking and looking around. You could actually see your iris moving back and forth like you were watching something. I have no idea what, but it was awesome!
They said that you are just a little on the smaller side, but you're perfect. Because Ena was SO BIG, they figured that you would follow suit. Apparently, you march to the beat of your own drum, kiddo. They project you to come out around 7 lbs, which is actually making me SO happy, because if I naturally birthed a 10 lb baby, you should be a snap. Actually, I'm a little relieved. Phew! (Now, I just need to control my sugar intake so I don't inadvertently make you huge (or colicky, when you have to do the withdrawal out here.) Must. Eat. Less. Sugar.
Now that you're head down, I feel a little better, but it's still pretty bad. I may go to physical therapy, but I'm not sure yet what I want to do. But now you're kicking up high and your daddy plays "chase the foot" when you get all wiggly. We love you sweetie, and can't wait to meet you!
Get cooked and then come out!!!
Love,
Momma
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Ena - February 15th, 2012
Hi love!
I've been praying for you a bunch today. I wish my prayer life was more consistent...it's hard for me sometime to remember to connect with something as subtle as God is. My brain tends to focus on what is right in front of me. I keep idealizing women that can keep their homes in perfect order, live lives of prayer warriors for their children and exude patience. I don't think they really exist, exactly in that form, but their ghosts are everywhere. I don't measure up by half.
I'm growing melancholy as the winter gets deeper, I think.
Here's what I've been praying. I pray for JOY for you. In abundance. I pray that within your heart lies a spirit that is up for fun, gets inspired by things of beauty, and can invite others into that joy. You have bunches of joy so much of the time (especially any time you're with other kids) and it makes me so happy to see.
I pray for courage! Courage to make friends, courage to try new things, courage to face stuff you're afraid of. Courage to speak your mind, courage to befriend the friendless, courage to seek out the truth about who God is.
I pray for the right friends for you. I think that makes such a difference in how you trust people, the friends that you have when you're growing up. I know that you will go through heartache, I know that that heartache will give you empathy for others, but my holy father above, I want you to have a few strong steady loving friends that you can be yourself with, that you can be a giant goofball with, that you can be truthful with, that will support you and that you can support. I pray that friendship betrayal and bullying is warded away from you as much as possible.
I pray that I can break some of the chains that run in our family for you. My parents broke some for me (lack of affection and love into a warm family of love) I pray that I can break the chains of temper. The chains of eating addictions and using food as medicine. I pray that you never learn to reject yourself for fear that others will reject you if you don't.
And I pray that I don't break you! I pray that the little words I say, or frustration I show, any lack of patience, and this weird limbo of being far from our friends doesn't alter who you are, and that it falls away from you like water off of oil. I want your personality to stay as intact as possible.
Today, on the way to the doctors, we were talking and telling stories back and forth (mostly of how you were brave, and protecting your friends, and some stories about when you were born, because it helps you connect to Adessa) you told me that you were angry because your baby was crying. And then you said, "For Pete SAKES!"...I've heard that "for pete sakes," before...out of my own mouth when you were crying. And I try to tell myself that it's different, and there are things that are different because a lot of times you're crying over things where it really doesn't make much sense the EMOTION you're feeling compared to the cause, or it's something that has to happen and you're pissed about it...or it's a manipulative cry of sorts where you want me to stay in the room or do something you want...
But I recognized it. You said that to your doll because I've said that to you.
Well, my heart crumpled. I can be a great mom, and I can be a short-tempered crabby mom. Both of them live inside of me. I wish I could evict Mrs. Crabby, but I'm not sure how yet.
We talked further, about how I've said that to you before, and that it expresses frustration. We also talked about how mommy was sorry for when she was frustrated when you've cried and next time Mommy will stop and hug you when you cry. So that's my plan. We're very different people, babes, with very different wiring and that's all good. I'm going to do my best to learn how to handle my goofy frustrations so I can help you work through how you feel. We'll grow in this together. I needed an Ena to push me into learning this lesson.
Goofy things:
We took you to the Rainforest Cafe yesterday for Valentine's day (or Balentimes, as you like to call it.) and HOLY CRAP, were you enthralled. You weren't nearly as afraid as I thought you would be. You kept yelling "This is the BEST. RESTAURANT. EVER!!!! and we had to take dinner breaks to walk you over to the elephants or gorillas. You were just so excited the whole time. Not a big fan of the thunderstorm (as you told the waitress several times) but you just couldn't get enough of looking at the rain wall and the steam and all the animals. I can't wait to take you back! Everything was the BEST. EVER.
Then we went to the serpent safari right across the way (not all the way in, because we're waiting for when one of our girls Emma is working) but a girl had a yellow and white python outside the store around her shoulders. You walked right up to her and wanted to pet the snake, no fear or nothing. You keep describing it as SOFT. I was really really proud of you.
Also, today on the way home you were telling me that you were NOT TIRED, but that you just needed to "rest your eyes" for a few minutes. Well, that's turned into a two hour nap :)
I love you peanut. I'm excited for who you are and who you're growing into. Keep being you!!!
I love you!
I've been praying for you a bunch today. I wish my prayer life was more consistent...it's hard for me sometime to remember to connect with something as subtle as God is. My brain tends to focus on what is right in front of me. I keep idealizing women that can keep their homes in perfect order, live lives of prayer warriors for their children and exude patience. I don't think they really exist, exactly in that form, but their ghosts are everywhere. I don't measure up by half.
I'm growing melancholy as the winter gets deeper, I think.
Here's what I've been praying. I pray for JOY for you. In abundance. I pray that within your heart lies a spirit that is up for fun, gets inspired by things of beauty, and can invite others into that joy. You have bunches of joy so much of the time (especially any time you're with other kids) and it makes me so happy to see.
I pray for courage! Courage to make friends, courage to try new things, courage to face stuff you're afraid of. Courage to speak your mind, courage to befriend the friendless, courage to seek out the truth about who God is.
I pray for the right friends for you. I think that makes such a difference in how you trust people, the friends that you have when you're growing up. I know that you will go through heartache, I know that that heartache will give you empathy for others, but my holy father above, I want you to have a few strong steady loving friends that you can be yourself with, that you can be a giant goofball with, that you can be truthful with, that will support you and that you can support. I pray that friendship betrayal and bullying is warded away from you as much as possible.
I pray that I can break some of the chains that run in our family for you. My parents broke some for me (lack of affection and love into a warm family of love) I pray that I can break the chains of temper. The chains of eating addictions and using food as medicine. I pray that you never learn to reject yourself for fear that others will reject you if you don't.
And I pray that I don't break you! I pray that the little words I say, or frustration I show, any lack of patience, and this weird limbo of being far from our friends doesn't alter who you are, and that it falls away from you like water off of oil. I want your personality to stay as intact as possible.
Today, on the way to the doctors, we were talking and telling stories back and forth (mostly of how you were brave, and protecting your friends, and some stories about when you were born, because it helps you connect to Adessa) you told me that you were angry because your baby was crying. And then you said, "For Pete SAKES!"...I've heard that "for pete sakes," before...out of my own mouth when you were crying. And I try to tell myself that it's different, and there are things that are different because a lot of times you're crying over things where it really doesn't make much sense the EMOTION you're feeling compared to the cause, or it's something that has to happen and you're pissed about it...or it's a manipulative cry of sorts where you want me to stay in the room or do something you want...
But I recognized it. You said that to your doll because I've said that to you.
Well, my heart crumpled. I can be a great mom, and I can be a short-tempered crabby mom. Both of them live inside of me. I wish I could evict Mrs. Crabby, but I'm not sure how yet.
We talked further, about how I've said that to you before, and that it expresses frustration. We also talked about how mommy was sorry for when she was frustrated when you've cried and next time Mommy will stop and hug you when you cry. So that's my plan. We're very different people, babes, with very different wiring and that's all good. I'm going to do my best to learn how to handle my goofy frustrations so I can help you work through how you feel. We'll grow in this together. I needed an Ena to push me into learning this lesson.
Goofy things:
We took you to the Rainforest Cafe yesterday for Valentine's day (or Balentimes, as you like to call it.) and HOLY CRAP, were you enthralled. You weren't nearly as afraid as I thought you would be. You kept yelling "This is the BEST. RESTAURANT. EVER!!!! and we had to take dinner breaks to walk you over to the elephants or gorillas. You were just so excited the whole time. Not a big fan of the thunderstorm (as you told the waitress several times) but you just couldn't get enough of looking at the rain wall and the steam and all the animals. I can't wait to take you back! Everything was the BEST. EVER.
Then we went to the serpent safari right across the way (not all the way in, because we're waiting for when one of our girls Emma is working) but a girl had a yellow and white python outside the store around her shoulders. You walked right up to her and wanted to pet the snake, no fear or nothing. You keep describing it as SOFT. I was really really proud of you.
Also, today on the way home you were telling me that you were NOT TIRED, but that you just needed to "rest your eyes" for a few minutes. Well, that's turned into a two hour nap :)
I love you peanut. I'm excited for who you are and who you're growing into. Keep being you!!!
I love you!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Ena - February 8th, 2012
Oh woman, I think it may be time to declare our naps lost.
I don't think you've actually taken a nap in...at least two weeks. OR if you have, it's because we've put you down at like, four o'clock and then you refuse to go to sleep at night until 10 or 11 or so. I'm honestly not sure what to do, like right now, you got up in the middle of the night with a bad dream (something about a really loud car that woke you up. And your voice gets all quivery after a bad dream, it's so heart breaking.) So we talked and snuggled for awhile, and then you woke up again about 20 minutes later and talked and snuggled with Daddy...and then I couldn't sleep because while you were quiet, you rustled around in your crib for an HOUR after that.
Today you have dark circles under your eyes and you keep getting hiccups (both a mommy and Ena sign of TIRED!), but you're in your crib...refusing to sleep. I don't think it's that you don't need a nap...I think it's that you can't get yourself to lie down and take one until you're UBER tired at bedtime. I don't know. I was REALLY hoping you'd hold onto them until Adessa was here for awhile (or like, forever) and now...I basically make you "rest" in your crib for an hour, and then give you books for another half an hour...that's not necessarily a great mommy nap, if you know what I mean. I'm gonna have to figure this all out.
I feel at a loss to figure everything out. Also, our house is a complete disaster and it's overwhelming me. And for some reason, I want to make a zillion things, and buy a zillion more and just don't feel satisfied. I've gotta remember that it's February...and February and I never really get along very well.
I'm also feeling discouraged that our house hasn't sold or even had any showings for the past month or so. A few and then nothing again. I guess I really don't understand it. I want to get out there so that we can take care of our kids and our leaders, so we can settle you in a preschool, so I have a place to put Adessa that's not a drawer, and so I can make a little nest for us. And so your dad can be around us a lot more, and isn't exhausted from driving SO MUCH all the time. I hate being in a liminal phase and I feel like EVERYTHING is just ABOUT to transition, and I just have to wait and wait and wait until it finally does, but I don't know when it will.
Doing my best to enjoy life and YOU right now. I gave you a photo box today, and you've been putting all your "treasures" inside of it. We made lots of playdough snakes today and I let you watch more TV than normal because somehow, after lunch, your blues clues video started up and holy crap, if I can separate you from Blue. So I gave in and just let you watch...
And...are you sleeping right now? I'm not hearing the normal rustling...
Shhhh...
Love,
Momma
I don't think you've actually taken a nap in...at least two weeks. OR if you have, it's because we've put you down at like, four o'clock and then you refuse to go to sleep at night until 10 or 11 or so. I'm honestly not sure what to do, like right now, you got up in the middle of the night with a bad dream (something about a really loud car that woke you up. And your voice gets all quivery after a bad dream, it's so heart breaking.) So we talked and snuggled for awhile, and then you woke up again about 20 minutes later and talked and snuggled with Daddy...and then I couldn't sleep because while you were quiet, you rustled around in your crib for an HOUR after that.
Today you have dark circles under your eyes and you keep getting hiccups (both a mommy and Ena sign of TIRED!), but you're in your crib...refusing to sleep. I don't think it's that you don't need a nap...I think it's that you can't get yourself to lie down and take one until you're UBER tired at bedtime. I don't know. I was REALLY hoping you'd hold onto them until Adessa was here for awhile (or like, forever) and now...I basically make you "rest" in your crib for an hour, and then give you books for another half an hour...that's not necessarily a great mommy nap, if you know what I mean. I'm gonna have to figure this all out.
I feel at a loss to figure everything out. Also, our house is a complete disaster and it's overwhelming me. And for some reason, I want to make a zillion things, and buy a zillion more and just don't feel satisfied. I've gotta remember that it's February...and February and I never really get along very well.
I'm also feeling discouraged that our house hasn't sold or even had any showings for the past month or so. A few and then nothing again. I guess I really don't understand it. I want to get out there so that we can take care of our kids and our leaders, so we can settle you in a preschool, so I have a place to put Adessa that's not a drawer, and so I can make a little nest for us. And so your dad can be around us a lot more, and isn't exhausted from driving SO MUCH all the time. I hate being in a liminal phase and I feel like EVERYTHING is just ABOUT to transition, and I just have to wait and wait and wait until it finally does, but I don't know when it will.
Doing my best to enjoy life and YOU right now. I gave you a photo box today, and you've been putting all your "treasures" inside of it. We made lots of playdough snakes today and I let you watch more TV than normal because somehow, after lunch, your blues clues video started up and holy crap, if I can separate you from Blue. So I gave in and just let you watch...
And...are you sleeping right now? I'm not hearing the normal rustling...
Shhhh...
Love,
Momma
Monday, February 6, 2012
Adessa - February 6th, 2012
Hi there, little creature!
You are currently kicking the crap out of me! Something about the way you are sitting is unbelievable weird feeling, like you keep kicking organs or the inside of my bellybutton. You've grown since the "we're afraid she's not growing properly" incident, so I'm much less afraid. My uterus is already over 2 cms bigger (which means you're bigger), and your kicks have moved from these things I noticed to these things that occasionally HURT!
Our official level 2 ultrasound is a week from today, but I'm not worried. I AM worried that you are still breech. Your little butt is sitting right on the ligaments that attach the two sides of my pelvis, and making them enflamed and painful. Moving one leg at a time is a joke (which means my walk looks like I'm hauling one side and then the other side of my body forward). It's very attractive, I'm sure. It's also creating a stabbing sensation in my crotch whenever I move. Isn't that awesome? Ugh, pregnancy and me are not friends. Add heartburn and feeling like a whale...yikes.
I feel unprepared materially (We need a cradle, I'd still love to MOVE, we need more baby clothes)--but I'm really ready for this phase to be over. I just want to meet you and get started on our lives together. I want to see what you look like, and watch your little personality emerge. I'm also a little freaked out about what to do when I have two kiddos, and would kind of like to stop living in the what ifs, and figure out how to make it happen.
I'm sure I will look back at this post and be yelling at myself "GO TO SLEEP! SLEEP WHILE YOU CAN, WOMAN!!!"
I will pay attention to my future self now.
Also, flip over.
I love you desperately already.
Momma
You are currently kicking the crap out of me! Something about the way you are sitting is unbelievable weird feeling, like you keep kicking organs or the inside of my bellybutton. You've grown since the "we're afraid she's not growing properly" incident, so I'm much less afraid. My uterus is already over 2 cms bigger (which means you're bigger), and your kicks have moved from these things I noticed to these things that occasionally HURT!
Our official level 2 ultrasound is a week from today, but I'm not worried. I AM worried that you are still breech. Your little butt is sitting right on the ligaments that attach the two sides of my pelvis, and making them enflamed and painful. Moving one leg at a time is a joke (which means my walk looks like I'm hauling one side and then the other side of my body forward). It's very attractive, I'm sure. It's also creating a stabbing sensation in my crotch whenever I move. Isn't that awesome? Ugh, pregnancy and me are not friends. Add heartburn and feeling like a whale...yikes.
I feel unprepared materially (We need a cradle, I'd still love to MOVE, we need more baby clothes)--but I'm really ready for this phase to be over. I just want to meet you and get started on our lives together. I want to see what you look like, and watch your little personality emerge. I'm also a little freaked out about what to do when I have two kiddos, and would kind of like to stop living in the what ifs, and figure out how to make it happen.
I'm sure I will look back at this post and be yelling at myself "GO TO SLEEP! SLEEP WHILE YOU CAN, WOMAN!!!"
I will pay attention to my future self now.
Also, flip over.
I love you desperately already.
Momma
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