January 7th, 2012

Well! You had your very first sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa's last night. And you did fantastic! I think you had a bunch of fun and you weren't as clingy as I thought you'd be (was hoping you'd be) when you got home. I'm so proud of you, big girl! Your dad and I had a nice dinner and movie date. It was nice to be a couple but really nice to get you back and be a little family again. I'm really glad you did so well, honey.

It's bedtime now, and Daddy is in there cuddling and talking with you. (I put you down, but sometimes he has more patience when you're stalling BIG TIME like you were tonight. Every couple of minutes, something new that you need or want or forgot) You guys are the CUTEST! We painted and played with a magnet game (You can paint and draw for...hours, it's crazy) and then you pretended to be a cat and crawled up in your dad's lap for cuddles. That's what the picture is from.

Goofy things you've said/done today:

Well, you have been working on your winking and today your dad taught you to close one eye and growl "ARGH!" like a pirate. It's pretty awesome.

We had honey pork chops tonight and you kept calling them "Forkchops."

When I was getting you dressed from your bath we kept yelling back and forth "I love you! Yes I do!"

January 6th, 2012

Peanut! Oof, I'm nervous. Tonight you are spending the first night away from us...ever. We're trying to get you used to sleeping over at Grandma and Grandpa's before you HAVE to when I go to the hospital to have your little sibling. (We find out if it's a boy or girl next Tuesday!) So, we're doing a sleepover a month or so you can experience it. I keep trying to talk it up about how exciting and fun it's going to be--but I'm not sure I'm selling it amazingly because...well, I'm SCARED! Isn't that silly? You're going to be in a place where you're SO loved and going to be spoiled and taken care of...and I'm scared that you're going to be sad or confused or miss your momma...reality is, you're probably going to be just fine. I'm praying you're going to be just fine...because at some point, you're not going to have an option.

SO! You're going to sleep over at GRANDMA's!!!!! It's going to be SO FUN! You're going to nap, and then you're going to sleep there at NIGHT TOO! And Grandpa's going to make you a YUMMY breakfast!!! WON'T THAT BE FUN!?!?

Meanwhile, Mommy and Daddy will be slightly stressed out at home. But we're going on a date, so that will be fun!

Also, we have two house showings today that we need to clean up for...though the house is in pretty good shape because I cleaned after the Christmas explosion. Maybe this will be it and we will finally sell our house and get to move close to church! And have a place to put the baby other than in a drawer.

Goofy things you've done:

Lately, you've been doing this weird thing with your eye, kinda of half closing it and looking like you're super drunk. I asked you about it and you said, "I'm WINKING at you, Moooom."

January 3rd/4th, 2012

Whoops, already missed one day. Go figure. Well, the upside of you having been super sick is that it reset your schedule back to AWESOME! You wake up at 8, sleep at 1:30/2, get up at 4:30, and go back to bed at 8:30. This is what I've been trying to nail for MONTHS. The original schedule went something like wake up at 8:30 or 9, refuse to nap, be exhausted by 4, fall asleep until 6, stay up until 10 or 11. Not good. It was just getting worse and worse. The only thing I don't know about is what we're going to do at Youth Group on Sunday...you still have to stay up until 10 or 11. Maybe you'll fall asleep on the way home this time. We'll work it out I'm sure, but I don't want to lose this!

We went to the library at 7 last night to let you play with a friend (Olivia). You guys made a huge train track on the floor and had a giant giggle fest doing it while her mom and I watched you from the rockers. I'm trying to be better this year about making sure you're around other littles regularly. It's been difficult because our community is really out in Gurnee, which we're not by, and the community that we're by...well, let's just say they're hard to nail down. Maybe it's me. Not a lot of extra money for classes or preschool right now...just trying to make it work, which is a challenge to my introverted self. Everybody's got a learning curve, right?

I've also been researching a lot of Waldorf curriculum for the meantime (which is basically, do life and play)...I'm so stressed out about your schooling right now. This probably sounds ridiculous...but I don't want to squash you. You have such a beautiful little light, my little joy monster, and I'm afraid to put you in a place that put pressure on you or has kids that will bully you. It's like I can't think my way out of this whole mess. I don't want to shelter you so that you become unable to deal with idiot people or idiotic circumstances, but I don't want you to hit them so hard that they put your light out or take your joy of just being alive. I want you to LOVE to learn. I want to you to explore, not regurgitate facts. It's literally putting a grey cloud over me right now because I can't figure it out. It's probably my own junk too...I feel like I formed a shell at a very young age around who I was to protect myself from mean kids and incompetent teachers, and it made me jaded and cynical and it still pops up more than I'd like. We'll figure it out as we go, I suppose, and we'll listen to you and help you discover who you are and what you need.

I love you, sweetheart, and we'll figure it out together.

Love,
Momma

January 2nd, 2012

Holy hilarious, kiddo. We just got back from a party at Nana's--and you had missed your nap to go, which usually is no big deal, but this virus REALLY must have taken it out of you. I look back as we pull into the drive and you had completely konked out and were snoring in your carseat. Dad and I had to carry you in and put you in your jammies--and while this might be normal for most kids--YOU rarely fall asleep in the car and if you ever do, you wake up as soon as we move you. I've never seen you this floppy! Your sweet face gets all smooshy and angelic, your hair a static monster from your kitty hat, and you're barely conscious of us yanking a dress over your face (poorly).

You were a sweetheart at Nana's, but have fallen into a new pattern that you picked up in the TWO days you were ill. Because your crying got so much attention when you were sick, now you've taken to crying whenever something's not going your way (like Aunt Meg's using a chair you want to sit in, or Mommy's across the room). We're pulling that one up short on you, which means you're crying in the corner a lot right now. Poor kiddo, but I'm having none of it.

Goofy stuff you said today:

Dad was looking for a towel that I had brought up for him, and said so from the bedroom. You proceeded to yell, "DAD! IT'S RIGHT THERE! IN FRONT OF YOU! LOOK HARDER!" Which was what I was thinking. It tickled me so much that you and I got in a massive giggle fest for the next fifteen minutes. He found the towel. Good directions, sweetheart!

January 2012

Oh my little darling. I keep wanting to update things or write down everything. So here's my goal: I want to update (short) once a day for all of 2012. I've tried this before, but I want to capture YOU right now, as you are. Because you're hilarious.

So here goes.

You've been REALLY sick for the past couple of days...sick to the point where you've been crying and angry. Usually, you bop through colds and fevers like they're nothing, this is one of the first ones that's ever slowed you down. You've having a hard time sleeping at night...last night was AWFUL. You can't breathe through your nose, so all your consonants are messed up (Right now, my name is Bommby.) But, you managed to get about 6 straight hours of sleep last night and woke up in muuuuch better spirits. Now we just have to undo all the mega-spoiling you've been receiving. (i.e. I fed you bread in the middle of the night, let you sleep with a sippy of apple juice because you SCREAMED when you drank water, have had innumerable popsicles, let you take baths without making you wash your hair...) It's funny because you are usually very easy going and happy (and articulate! You've lost all ability to form complete sentences and resorted to pointing, grunting and whining to get your point across). When you started talking again, I knew we were on the upswing.

I just love you so much, kiddo. Seeing you SO upset and in pain and frustrating has little made my heart catapult itself outwards and fall on the floor in a terrible stressed jumble.

Goofy things you said today:
In the middle of eating dinner out of NOWHERE, you looked up and said "I LOVE Cows!"

You insist on being the one to pray at every meal, and tonight you said "I love my family, and (and then you whispered to me: Do you know? She had shoes on...)

NIght night baby...please please please sleep.

Love,
Mom

Lordy, lordy

I have written on this thing in ages.

So, a little story. I'm walking in my good ol' hometown, which is not the most...well to do town that ever existed, but it's got good history and have I ever mentioned that my house is 120 years old? Yeah, it's 120 years old. Anyways, I'm walking my two year old daughter--I decided that Walgreens wasn't that far, and why don't we just walk there? It's not that hot, is it?

About halfway through, I was dying. Ena's in her stoller, sucking down ice cold water and reading a doctor seuss book, oblivious to the fact that her mother is dying of heat exhaustion behind her. I get lost, I was sure that this one path through the little (HUGE) park by our house cut through to the Walgreens, but wound up ditching it all together and bopping my kid along this giant bowl of grass, while public works guys are weed whipping around me, wondering what the hell the poor white girl was doing.

We get there. Finally. The air conditioning is pure bliss, I give in and buy a Snickers Ice cream bar and introduce Helena to it's beautiful goodness. I stall as long as I can, until the little lady is getting antsy to be moving again. Apparently, Seen On TV stuff is not that interesting to a two year old.

So we walk back, using the honest to God STREETS this time, and I'm sweating like a mad cow. I hear someone running up behind me. This is normal. People go for runs. This is not a big deal. I move Ena's stroller to the side, and step over for him. He runs up next to me, pats my ass and then continues running.

I froze. What's the etiquette here? Do I curse him out? Kick the poop out of him? Because I could have. Ask him what that was for? Be flattered? I think I was more like, did that just happen? Did someone really just break social patterns that far as to where I am just standing here blank, as he's rounding the corner and running away?

What would you have done?

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