Adessa - Oct 31st, 2012

Hi gorgeous!

Man, you are teething up a little storm.  You've got two very tiny, needle sharp teeth on the bottom now and MAN, do they hurt when you bite while you nurse.

Yeah.

And then you smile up at me and I have no ability to be mad or annoyed or anything at you.  Seriously, child, you are just toooooo cute for your own good.

So, update, update.

You've been rolling around a bunch now, back to front and front to back and have taken to sleeping on your tummy now.  I'm kind of relieved because you're less likely to rip out your own pacifier, cry, repeat now.  I used to have to swaddle you, with these fantastic muslin blankets, all airy and soft...but you hated being swaddled after a certain point and would worm out of them, popping your arms out like a little daisy...so finally I only swaddled one arm and you managed it, then both arms were undone and that lasted for about a week before you decided that tummy sleeping was the way to go.

Sounds good to me.

I feel like everything is going by so fast.  You're already nearly seven months!  You're getting close to sitting up, you would bounce in your bouncer all day (Ha!  The day you figured out you could bounce, you had this look of pure GLEE and shook those springs for all they were worth).  You've nearly outgrown your swing, and you've discovered that I leave you in your crib.  How dare I?

You go to sleep pretty darn well, I have to plug you with your pacifier once or twice, but for the most part, you settle right down and go to sleep.  But I can't stay in there at.all. while you're getting yourself to sleep, because you'll twist your little blondred head up to look at me, and then look at me accusingly like, hey, you're up there and...I'm DOWN HERE!!!  What the heck, woman?  It's best just to cork and run and then you just play with your scorpion and your chicken until you fall asleep.

You've been off your schedule for the past week or so.  The teething plus a combo of mastitis where I wasn't making enough milk for you, so I just pretty much let you nurse whenever you wanted.  We're paying for it now, you're waking up earlier and earlier and you're struggling to stay asleep for your whole nap.  Unfortunately, I have to let you work some of it out while I rub your back (usually while you're twisting up to look at me) until you start to calm back down and then I run away.  Then you'll fall asleep, go figure.

Sometimes, I really like feeding you in the middle of the night because you'll MAYBE fall asleep on me.  Ena was the same way.  Cranmer girls sleep in their beds, thank you very much.  Which is good.  But I miss sleepy cuddles.  Those are some of the best.

I hear you rustling in your crib a bit now, and I love going to get you because you beam that huge smile of yours.  I love your joy, baby girl.  You light up every room and can get a smile out of anyone.  You're a gift.

Love,
Momma

Ena - Sept 9th, 2012

Hi Ena-girl!

You started preschool!

You also got us all sick with a germ you picked up from preschool, but that's okay.  Kinda normal from what I hear.  You've been running around, yelling at your body that "I'm gonna beat you germs!  I'm gonna beat you with this soup!  Go away!"

You're a positive thinker.

Also, you have watched more TV than...man, enough to make me feel like a bad mom.  I mean, we've done other stuff.  Painted, made snake families on the floor with painters tape (i.e. lines of tape that we draw faces on...you LOVE this.), we made soup together today.  But, still, you've watched a crap ton of TV while being sick.  I'm okay with this.

Preschool is so weird for me.  I mean, it's GREAT for you.  You get to make friends, and see them consistently, you have sweet teachers, you're very stimulated...it's awesome!  But it's weird for me!  Because I don't get to see you for a large chunk of the day.

And you know what?  You can't even tell me about what happened?  I ask, and you're like...I don't...Mom, I don't know what I did today.  Like this great period of time elapsed and you are literally at a loss to explain what might have filled it.

I can see where moms get super "interrogate-y."  Well, did you have a snack?  What kind of snack?  Were your friends nice?  Did anyone hit you?  Do you like your teachers? What did you play with?  and on and on and on.

I try really hard not to do this, because it feels weird and pressured, and you tell me things that you remember or if something's bothering you you've generally started telling me if I just let you be.  But dear God woman, you need to learn to volunteer some information.

Love you so much, peanut.

Momma

Ena - Oct 18th, 2012

Hi Honey!

I wanted to write you a quick note.  Life keeps getting away from me, and I wind up wanting to record so much and getting so little down.  It happens fast!

We had a great day today, you and me.

We went to Hobby Lobby (you in a hilariously fluffy white tutu) together and they had put all the Christmas decorations out.  You were in heaven.  You wanted EVERYTHING, you touched everything (so glad we're to a stage where I trust you with things that are fairly fragile), you made families out of the big and small nutcrackers.  You told strangers about your sister.

We bought TONS OF PAINT!

I wonder if when you read this you'll still be as into art as you are right now.  I wouldn't be the least bit surprised...it's been fairly stable, art has always been your happy place.

We painted apples today (You traced cardboard shapes of apples and painted them in.)  Tomorrow we'll cut them out and glue them to a colored sheet for a background and we'll send them to Alyssa and Heather.

What else was silly about today?

We've been listening to Seeds of Worship: Courage this week--I bought it a few days ago and you listened to nearly the whole thing while I held you and looked out the back door.  You've been very sick with the flu and needed some extra cuddle love.

Today, even though you were mid-painting, when I put on the music you came straight over and asked to be held again.  We danced together and went bananas crazy bouncing around to "Don't be Anxious!!!" It's cute to watch you try to sing the songs.  You'll really know them soon.  I wish I had a camera in my brain.  I don't want to forget you, open mouthed and smiling and laughing, throwing yourself from side to side, ponytail flying and you bounced up and down in my arms.  We were both cracking up so hard.

Well, you're coughing still and I should check on you and then go to bed.

I love you honey.  More later.

Love,
Momma

Adessa - Sept 9th, 2012

Holy goodness gracious.

Is it really your 5th month anniversary?

Right now, you're sick with your first cold and man...it's a doozy.  You are having a hard time sleeping, and this morning, slept on me from 4 until 7 because your cradle was extremely disapproved of :)  The whole family is sick, so we've kind of split forces and created teams.  Daddy's taking care of Ena, who seems to be on the mend (this whole bug is from her preschool) while he's sick, and Momma and you are buddies.

Of course, we are always buddies.  I'm your walking milk maker.  SO glad we're still nursing...at least this way, you're getting all my anti-bodies.

How to describe you, my love?

Happy!  You're super happy all the time.  Very sweet, goodnatured and smily.  You're the delight of everybody, because you smile at everybody which sends them into raptures.  You have this HUGE smile the size of Texas and your tongue sticks out when you smile and you can tell that you're smiling even from behind because you can see your cheeks go up and your ears move.  That and the person holding you falls over because of so much CUTE.  I'm sure you'll grow up thinking all grown ups are complete idiots, because they all make themselves idiots just to tempt a smile out of you, and you are happy as a clam to give them out.

Poor thing, coldwise.  This is probably the first I've seen you really upset.  (Well, that and getting scoped at the ENT, I'm not sure anything will reach that level of PISSED.)  Waking up is the worst.  I'm betting you've got a sore throat...I certainly do, and when you wake up, you're furious.  So we cuddle and I shush you and you can't decide whether you want your pacifier because it makes you feel better, or don't want your pacifier because it's hard to breathe through your nose.

I've been rocking you back and forth saying "I know....I know...this sucks...this really sucks..." which is kind of what I'd like someone to do for me.

Let's see, what else is going on?  You have a flat spot on your head that we're trying to change by getting you to sleep on your other side.  So far, no dice.  So, if you're reading this at 20 and you have a flat spot on your head still, I apologize.  I'm hoping you keep the red hair, it's SUCH a cool color.

The laryngomalacia (floppy windpipe, essentially) seems to be getting somewhat better, and for whatever reason, this cold is not affecting your breathing in that way at all.  Nose, yes.  Throat, no.  We've got a lot of people praying for you.  The doctor said that a virus could put you all the way back at square one and land you in the hospital for breathing treatments, so I'm so relieved that your breathing seems okay at the moment.  Still praying it doesn't move downwards and fuss with your windpipe, but at the minute, you're not pulling for breath like you did in the first months.  Thank you Jesus!  This cold can suck all it wants if it doesn't mess with your breathing like I was afraid of.  Though...I'd rather it stop sucking and go away.

I still need to type up your birth story soon.  I don't want to lose any details.  I'll have to post Ena's too.

Things I want to remember:

The way you look when you wake up in the mornings.  Giant smiles, wriggled out of your swaddle popping out like a little daisy, kicking and squirming like "Mom!  I've got legs!  Mom?  You awake?  See my legs!?  Haha, arms!  Armsarmsarmsarmsarms!!!!"

The way you divebomb at anything that looks like it might give you milk when you're hungry.   Huge guppy mouth sucking on my shoulder, my arm, dad's finger, you just hurl your whole body in the general direction and hope for the best.

How happy you are in your baths.  You love the water and are happy to sit there chewing your washcloth, Momma or Ena pouring water over your tummy.  (Other than tonight, we tried a bath tonight, me cleverly believing you would feel better.  Nope.  I evoked much wrath with this decision.)

Alright, sweetheart.  Dad's coming back with ice cream for the sick adults and then I'm crawling in bed next to you.  Here's to some (hopefully) sleep!

Adessa - July 14th, 2012

Hi baby!

Holy crap, are you one cute baby or what?  I'll be doing a little backtracking to fill you in on your birth story and the lead up to now, but man, do we ever delight in you.  As Dad says, your smiles are like crack and you give them out all the time!  You're just pure joy, sweetheart.

This is what I get to wake up to every morning.

This is just how you wake up.  All the time!  You're about as happy as can be and it absolutely slays me.

You can also see the tail of your scorpion that you sleep with.  You were having trouble falling asleep and liked to hold my finger while you were drifting off, so I tried to find a lovey for you that you could hold onto like my finger.  So I found a stingray and a scorpion and you grabbed onto the goofy scorpion (he's kind of cute, really) and hung on for dear life.  It kills me the way you clutch his tail and his claw and wriggle around until you fall asleep.

I always laugh when we have to be like, "Where's Adessa's scorpion!?  She needs her scorpion."  Who even makes a scorpion stuffed animal.  So funny.

Yesterday we had to take you to the doctor.  By the time you're reading this you'll probably have outgrown everything or have had surgery, but at this point in life, you breathe really funny.  It's almost like you have something deep in your throat. It makes me want to clear MY throat.  It's worse on the inhale, worse right after you eat and best when you're in a deep sleep.  Pretty much everyone that holds you is like, "Is she sick?"  Nope, that's just how you breathe.

When you were first born, it was bad.  Really bad.  You would pull for air so hard and top breathing for ten seconds at a time and you would have the episodes where you would breathe fast and erratic and you could see your stomach and neck muscles retracting.  I never knew what to do...it was so scary.

I took you to the doctors in our practice several times, and each one of them said..."She's a baby, they make a lot of noise when they breathe.  It's fine.  It's fine.  It's fine."  Finally, I got so sick of it (because you would make noise when I would bring you in, but you wouldn't have a really bad episode in the doctors office.) that your Nana got us an appt with an ENT and we took you yesterday to get scoped.

That sucked.  They had to put numbing stuff in your little nose and slide a scope up through your nose and down through your sinuses to see your vocal cords.  And we were right!  You have something called laryngomalacia, floppy tissue over your vocal cords that can be a hindrance when you breathe.   It sounds like some cases are really severe to the point where babies can't eat, so we're lucky that yours is such a mild case.  However, we have to make sure it gets better as you grow.  If it gets worse, they have to scope you again (I CANNOT even explain how pissed you were.  Red as a tomato) and possible put you all the way under.  I'm really praying and hoping that we can avoid all of that and that you just grow out of it on your own which is very likely.

But after the procedure, you were very upset for the rest of the day and just wanted to sleep on me.  So we cuddled bunches and I will take that any day.

I've got to go to bed now.  I'm falling asleep while typing.  You got up at 5:30 (eat and then sleep until 7:30/8) but my brain wouldn't shut up once I was awake so I had to get up and do stuff.  Now I can barely keep my eyes open.

I love you so much sweetheart!!!

Love,
Momma

Ena - July 10th, 2012

Hi Ena girl! You're sleeping at the moment. (I think) Man, so much has happened in the last couple of months I'm not even sure where to start. Well, first, Adessa was born. It was an interesting transition. You stayed with Grandma and Grandpa for three or four nights (at that point, night and day doesn't really have much reference) and I kept wanting to get home so you could be in your own bed and your own space again. Adessa had some other plans. But you came to the hospital and we had the cutest family love fest ever.

You loved her right from the start. Our problem has never been jealousy and too this day I don't think you've ever expressed jealousy or anger towards her. It's almost been reigning in the love you've got and trying to keep you from squashing her! Even now, in the mornings when you see her for the first time you always say "Adeeeeesssa!!!" And run a give her a hug. (I'd rather have that problem.) Not to say it was perfectly smooth. Because of the close quarters of the Elgin house and your intense desire to love on your sister, all of a sudden it seemed like there was tons of "No, Ena." "Be quiet, Ena." "You can't, Ena." Can't swing the baby in the swing, Can't stomp around while the baby is sleeping, Can't go outside right now. Trust me, we were both frustrated and my heart broke for you because you were just being a kid. We went on as many walks as possible just so you could run around without me having to say no! Then something happened! Nana decided that we needed to move ASAP. So she decided to give Daddy a large chunk of what she had inherited from his grandmother Eris (your great grandma. She passed away while I was pregnant with you.) Someday I'll tell the story about how great-grandma's husband's kids stole all her money while she had dementia. The only thing that Nana got from her mother was the house, and she gave a large chunk of the money from that to us. Anyways, Dad decided that he was going to start looking at houses. He looked at several, and they were all nice but too small, or big but in terrible condition. Then he called me and said, "I found our house." Can I tell you this? I never saw the house before we put a bid on it. We won the house in days! it was crazy. Then someone put a bid on our house! Also crazy. That fell through. During all this, your Papa-Bob started getting worse. He couldn't remember much and started to hallucinate at night. I think Nana about ran herself into the ground trying to take care of him. He passed away about a month after Adessa was born. You and your sister were some of the last people he was really conscious for. I think he had been waiting to see you guys. After that, he fell asleep and didn't wake back up. I want you to know that he loved you very very very much. I think my favorite memory of him with you was when we went on a weekend vacation with Nana and Papa to Lake Geneva. We would do the continental breakfast with them every morning and you would sit next to Papa and he would slip you bits of donuts "secretly." You loved it. The funeral was a few days later. It's been weird to process Papa dying with you, because you definitely knew something was going on. Dad called me the morning that it happened and we turned off the TV for me to tell you that Papa had died. I asked you if you knew what that meant and you said, "He went to go live with Jesus." Yup, that about sums it up. We talked about how we would miss him and he wouldn't be here with us any more and that when people's bodies are old or sick, sometimes they stop working and die. There's not a lot that you're satisfied with right now. We've talked about death, God, how Jesus lives in our hearts, how can Papa be with God, how did Adessa get in my tummy and er...how babies come out, and you have so many questions that it's hard to not wind up in some left field philosophical discussion that's way over your head. Try explaining souls to a four year old. We've processed Papa's death together a lot as it comes up. Passing gravestones we talk about how Papa has one and it's to help us remember him, seeing Nana, but not Papa, and occasionally you just miss him. I get that. It also comes up in play or conversation, the whole death thing. Your dolls get sick and the other dolls "talk" about how she's going to die, or you've had a cold for the past two days and asked me today if you were old and going to die. However, you trust me when I say no, and it hasn't seemed to rattle you much, but you're definitely exploring the theme of it. We closed on the house soon after Papa's funeral. Then after ALL that change, Dad was gone fixing up our new house for us to live in and it was just you, me and Adessa for awhile. We boxed up stuff, people visited us, and Dad was in and out occasionally. Finally, it was moving day and we cleared out so Dad could move us. We went with Grandma and Grandpa and had a ball with them for five days so Dad and Nana could settle the house. (Lemme tell you, it was weird to let someone else move us. Also, I had only seen the house once for 20 minutes prior to us moving in.) Finally, we arrived! You took to your new room (and new freaking BED!) like a champ and have been overwhelmingly positive about the house the whole time. You can be loud downstairs while Dessa sleeps. You can run around in your new backyard. You have your own big room with all your toys in it and have done really well all over. You've also gotten more attached to your Daddy now that you've been able to be around him and see him every day. Not that it was bad before, but we had three days in the middle of the week where it was rare for you to see him, and then four days where he would be around a lot more. I'm actually a little nervous now for when he goes on the mission trip. I think it's going to affect you a lot more this time that it has ever before. Phew. I think we're caught up. You're out iceskating with Dad right now and we'll see how that goes :) Love you so much lady. I'm loving who you are and the games we play together. You're my joy. Love, Momma

Ena - March 23rd, 2012

Wow, little one! We're almost going to be a family of four!

Crazy stuff.

I always hoped that we would have you two a little closer together, but I have loved loved loved getting almost four years to get to know YOU! You are sweet and thoughtful, fiery and hilarious, and really doing your best to learn how to be obedient even when it's REALLY, really hard. This has been your hard work lately.

I love how you love your sister. This evening when Grandma and Grandpa brought you home, you hugged my tummy first and yelled "Adessa!!! I missssssed you!" I really hope we can walk you two through all the sibling stuff in a way where you guys are always close. I'm so excited for you to have a sister.

Super funny. Daddy has started kissing your hand and saying "My Princess." The first time he did that, your eyes about set on fire and your face practically split from the smile. You were like, FINALLY! SOMEONE KNOWS WHO I AM!!! You're a total girl, princesses, ballerinas, jewelry, hair, dolls, you want to see how you look...so funny what gets built in. You're not bad (read: diva) about it in any way, but you definitely are drawn to the typical girl stuff.

We've been "playing" preschool--you're starting to write your letters if I remind you how to do it. And your counting is getting better--you can count well, but if you're counting actual items you tend to be like "whatever" and not match objects to numbers just point at things and counting them three times.

Alright honey, momma's going to head towards bed. I love you SO much and I miss you when you're sleeping. Can't wait to play tomorrow!! Erin is bringing MacKenzie and Evie over and I'm sure you all will tire each other out like crazy!