Saturday, January 21, 2012

Adessa - January 21st, 2012

HI little lady!

You've been kicking so much lately, I'm surprised my amniotic fluid isn't carbonated! Sheesh! You're still breech, so I've been trying to encourage you to flip over by laying down with my hips propped up a bunch on the edge of the couch...no such luck yet...though Ena has been yelling "Adessa! You need to be sideways!" while bouncing on her trampoline.

(aka please don't go sideways, ouch!)

Apparently, the dr's office is more concerned than they were originally, because they're upping the level of ultrasound I need to go do. They're doing the "this is nothing to be concerned about yet," and then following it up immediately with "but we're concerned that she's not growing properly."

So here's the deal. How about there's nothing wrong and we're just fine. Stressing about this won't help, but I do get stressed because I want so badly for you to be okay. Since that moment you've gotten extra "kicky," so I'm pretty sure you're trying to tell me that everything's okay. And you know what, even if it isn't...we'll handle it together and it WILL be okay.

I can't wait to see who you are and start to learn your personality. I'm excited to see where you'll be like Ena or me or daddy and where you'll be completely and one hundred percent yourself. So be safe in there and come out when you're supposed to, okay?

I love you sweetheart, and I'm excited to meet you!

Love,

Momma

Ena - January 21st, 2012



Ha! We bought you a trampoline! I was worried that you weren't getting enough time to play around and be physical and get all your preschooler energy out...uh, problem solved. You LOVE it. It's one of the first things you want to do in the morning as soon as you get up. Right now, you're loving when I count how many times you bounce. We were up to 500 tonight and I finally had to give in. Holy crap, kid. But you sleep better, and your cheeks look more rosy so I'm a happy momma.

Let's see. You went to Nana's and big wheeled around her basement in your helmet, went to Photo's for hotdogs and ice cream, and along with your little ice cream cone, Papa gave you a quarter of his milk shake. He's hilarious with feeding you treats, like he tries to be all sneaky about it. We went on vacation with Nana and Papa a couple of times, and he would always slip you donuts or bits of waffle during breakfast. The other day, you and Dad went over to eat dinner with them while I taught some lessons and you walked in on Papa who had broken a wine glass and was trying to vacuum it up, while holding onto his walker and being attached to his oxygen. You were super sleepy because you had fallen asleep in the car (super rare for you). So Colin made Papa sit down and stuck you on the couch next to him while he cleaned up and you snuggled right in to Papa's side. And about every ten seconds, Papa would lean over and kiss you on the top of the head. He was very happy with his Ena-girl.

Goofy stuff you've said:

"Perhaps I should get off my trampoline now."

"This ice cream has a delicious flavor."

As you can probably tell...we don't really do the whole baby talk thing with you. Your vocab (and ability to use it accurately) is awesome kiddo, but it's always amazing when you use it so properly. Adorable.

I love you so much!

--Momma

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Ena - January 18th, 2012

Short post because I don't want to break the string for too long...otherwise it's too easy to slip back into not updating.

Goofy stuff you've said: We went to a gas station on the way to nana's, gas light already on and pulled into a station that was completely out of gas. Your dad was frustrated, and you said very self-assuredly, "It's okay, Dad. We'll find you another gas place that has gas. Don't worry." And then you sat back in your car seat, very satisfied that you had fixed it.

You also have been climbing into my downstairs closet as I switch the laundry to be "an astronaut in space." Today you tried to convince me to let you take your nap down there because it's "very comfortable."

I was crabby as all get out at you yesterday, because I got a call from my OB saying that Adessa isn't growing the way that she's supposed to and they want to double check a lot of things. Which means, I have to go for another ultrasound and while it's possible that it's absolutely nothing (and most likely that they are off on my due date, which I wouldn't be surprised about)...but that it could be a something. I apologized at the end of the day, and you told me that you forgave me and we snuggled it out.

What's weird is I don't feel that much about it, but I am able to be ragingly pissed (mostly internal and restrained) on a dime right now. So, I'm burying something somewhere...I just can't quite access it. Lots of music and worship time today helped surface some of it and we had a good silly day together. I think you can sense something's up...you had your first accident in quite literally, months, and didn't want to do anything by yourself the whole day. You're also pushing on all of the boundaries while mommy's defenses are weak, which yesterday I didn't handle so well, but today I took it more in stride.

Weird how when things go wrong...it all happens at the same time. Your baby monitor broke, our car is out of alignment and not drivable, the furnace has been giving us troubles off and on and right now decided to poop out again..., and my phone did this weird update and now can only connect in roam or it drops calls. And the doctor bills. Frustrating, tiring....expensive.

I love you sweetheart. Your eyes are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Big giant blue-gray eyes blinking at me with these long feathery lashes. I love that you're my little buddy during the day, and I miss you when you sleep. (Even though sometimes I can't wait until you're sleeping...parenting is exhausting, don't get me wrong.) But then I miss you again.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Adessa - January 14th, 2012

Look at you, little lady! Not even out in the world and you already have a blog about you.

We had our ultrasound the other day and found out that you were a girl. I think I was almost a little shellshocked because I was sure you were going to be a boy!...apparently, I have no radar for this sort of thing. Fine with me! I'm happy that you're a girl!!

You're currently measuring a little small which I wish I didn't know because it just makes me nervous. (Especially because Ena was so huge, so I keep expecting that you're going to be a moose too. And then I get worried that i"m doing something wrong.) My gut feeling is that they have my due date wrong and you'll be born a little later than they're thinking. Due dates are such jokes anyways, but they want everything to neatly line up under their "standards." Argh, medical births drive me a little crazy, but I'm not quite brave enough to do a home birth...I think.

You kick and move a bunch, but definitely have times where you're sleepy and still. You're currently breech, so if you wouldn't mind turning around that'd be fabulous, by the way :) You tend to elbow me to the right of my belly button and stretch your feet out against my left hip, which just feels weird.

Putting some stuff in place to get ready for you...I hope we move by the time you've arrived, but I think I'd be pleasantly surprised if that actually happens. I'm still not sure what we're going to do about space and such or trying to show the house after we've had to bring back all the baby stuff...I'm trying not to think about all that at the minute. I can't wait to meet you and show you our world...we have lots of cats for you to pet and a fabulous older sister that is going to love you to little pieces.

I love you baby girl.

January 14th, 2012

Hi lady! You slept at Grandma and Grandpa's last night again. I think it's getting pretty normal for you. Your dad and I went to his staff party, and I'm so glad that you're going to see church done in and around these people. They're real, honest, laidback and goofy folk--who happen to think drinking shots is hilarious. It's just such a place of health that I'm happy that we've landed here. No church is perfect, but man, our family has been through the wringer with church hurt. It's nice to be in a place that while it's not perfect...is much MUCH safer than any other place we've been.

We had an ultrasound the other day, and you were cracking the technician up like crazy. She wasn't an easy egg, either. You asked her what her name was, and insisted that you're going to feed the baby yogurt, and when I told you I had to pee, you told me to "Squeeze your butt together, mom!" And then we found out that...we're having a girl! You're going to have a sister!

So crazy. I'm so overjoyed and glad that you get to experience having a sibling that's yours. I feel like all my life I've wanted to have that claim with someone and as deep as a friendship can go and as much as people say "we're sisters, or they're my REAL family"...there's something about know that genes and DNA and some mysterious tie makes that person legitimately yours in a way that they are no one else's. At least...that's how it looks to someone who has no siblings! Weird that you'll probably be each other's maids of honor, and you'll bitch about us to each other and know just what the other is talking about.

I'm excited to see you as a big sister. Your instinct is already to take care of all the other littles around you, so I'm so excited to be able to give you a little that's genuinely yours to snuggle and help take care of. We've got some growth that we need to do with you to get you to a place that I think we need to be when a baby comes:

I'd like you to be sleeping in a big bed. And I need to make snacks that you can get yourself from the refrigerator. I'd LOVE for you to be fully potty trained at night, we're still doing pull ups and nap and bedtime and you PEE. IT. UP. like the second you get a diaper on. I think we just need to take them off and let you have some accidents and then you'll be fine. We had to do the same thing during the day but you nailed it in a week as soon as diapers weren't an option...so I think we just need to suck it up and lose the diapers at night. And I think the last one is that you need to be able to go to the potty, wipe and wash your hands all on your own. Right now, I'm helping you still and I'm pretty sure if I set you up a little better you could do the whole thing by yourself. (I'm just envisioning myself nursing a baby and you needing to go to the potty and me unable to help...)

You're also painting about...oh, three hours a DAY right now. You love your watercolors and go back to them over and over, and each time you'll paint for a half hour or more. You love it! I'm saving all your pictures because daddy wants to make them into a big art piece for you. I'm glad because you are extremely "art prolific" and I was wondering what to do with all of it! (I tend to be unsentimental and throw things away, but I always feel a little bad, so I'm glad he's got a cool way to preserve stuff.

Alright, you goofy little peanut. I love you so much!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

January 7th, 2012


Well! You had your very first sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa's last night. And you did fantastic! I think you had a bunch of fun and you weren't as clingy as I thought you'd be (was hoping you'd be) when you got home. I'm so proud of you, big girl! Your dad and I had a nice dinner and movie date. It was nice to be a couple but really nice to get you back and be a little family again. I'm really glad you did so well, honey.

It's bedtime now, and Daddy is in there cuddling and talking with you. (I put you down, but sometimes he has more patience when you're stalling BIG TIME like you were tonight. Every couple of minutes, something new that you need or want or forgot) You guys are the CUTEST! We painted and played with a magnet game (You can paint and draw for...hours, it's crazy) and then you pretended to be a cat and crawled up in your dad's lap for cuddles. That's what the picture is from.

Goofy things you've said/done today:

Well, you have been working on your winking and today your dad taught you to close one eye and growl "ARGH!" like a pirate. It's pretty awesome.

We had honey pork chops tonight and you kept calling them "Forkchops."

When I was getting you dressed from your bath we kept yelling back and forth "I love you! Yes I do!"

Friday, January 6, 2012

January 6th, 2012

Peanut! Oof, I'm nervous. Tonight you are spending the first night away from us...ever. We're trying to get you used to sleeping over at Grandma and Grandpa's before you HAVE to when I go to the hospital to have your little sibling. (We find out if it's a boy or girl next Tuesday!) So, we're doing a sleepover a month or so you can experience it. I keep trying to talk it up about how exciting and fun it's going to be--but I'm not sure I'm selling it amazingly because...well, I'm SCARED! Isn't that silly? You're going to be in a place where you're SO loved and going to be spoiled and taken care of...and I'm scared that you're going to be sad or confused or miss your momma...reality is, you're probably going to be just fine. I'm praying you're going to be just fine...because at some point, you're not going to have an option.

SO! You're going to sleep over at GRANDMA's!!!!! It's going to be SO FUN! You're going to nap, and then you're going to sleep there at NIGHT TOO! And Grandpa's going to make you a YUMMY breakfast!!! WON'T THAT BE FUN!?!?

Meanwhile, Mommy and Daddy will be slightly stressed out at home. But we're going on a date, so that will be fun!

Also, we have two house showings today that we need to clean up for...though the house is in pretty good shape because I cleaned after the Christmas explosion. Maybe this will be it and we will finally sell our house and get to move close to church! And have a place to put the baby other than in a drawer.

Goofy things you've done:

Lately, you've been doing this weird thing with your eye, kinda of half closing it and looking like you're super drunk. I asked you about it and you said, "I'm WINKING at you, Moooom."

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

January 3rd/4th, 2012

Whoops, already missed one day. Go figure. Well, the upside of you having been super sick is that it reset your schedule back to AWESOME! You wake up at 8, sleep at 1:30/2, get up at 4:30, and go back to bed at 8:30. This is what I've been trying to nail for MONTHS. The original schedule went something like wake up at 8:30 or 9, refuse to nap, be exhausted by 4, fall asleep until 6, stay up until 10 or 11. Not good. It was just getting worse and worse. The only thing I don't know about is what we're going to do at Youth Group on Sunday...you still have to stay up until 10 or 11. Maybe you'll fall asleep on the way home this time. We'll work it out I'm sure, but I don't want to lose this!

We went to the library at 7 last night to let you play with a friend (Olivia). You guys made a huge train track on the floor and had a giant giggle fest doing it while her mom and I watched you from the rockers. I'm trying to be better this year about making sure you're around other littles regularly. It's been difficult because our community is really out in Gurnee, which we're not by, and the community that we're by...well, let's just say they're hard to nail down. Maybe it's me. Not a lot of extra money for classes or preschool right now...just trying to make it work, which is a challenge to my introverted self. Everybody's got a learning curve, right?

I've also been researching a lot of Waldorf curriculum for the meantime (which is basically, do life and play)...I'm so stressed out about your schooling right now. This probably sounds ridiculous...but I don't want to squash you. You have such a beautiful little light, my little joy monster, and I'm afraid to put you in a place that put pressure on you or has kids that will bully you. It's like I can't think my way out of this whole mess. I don't want to shelter you so that you become unable to deal with idiot people or idiotic circumstances, but I don't want you to hit them so hard that they put your light out or take your joy of just being alive. I want you to LOVE to learn. I want to you to explore, not regurgitate facts. It's literally putting a grey cloud over me right now because I can't figure it out. It's probably my own junk too...I feel like I formed a shell at a very young age around who I was to protect myself from mean kids and incompetent teachers, and it made me jaded and cynical and it still pops up more than I'd like. We'll figure it out as we go, I suppose, and we'll listen to you and help you discover who you are and what you need.

I love you, sweetheart, and we'll figure it out together.

Love,
Momma

Monday, January 2, 2012

January 2nd, 2012

Holy hilarious, kiddo. We just got back from a party at Nana's--and you had missed your nap to go, which usually is no big deal, but this virus REALLY must have taken it out of you. I look back as we pull into the drive and you had completely konked out and were snoring in your carseat. Dad and I had to carry you in and put you in your jammies--and while this might be normal for most kids--YOU rarely fall asleep in the car and if you ever do, you wake up as soon as we move you. I've never seen you this floppy! Your sweet face gets all smooshy and angelic, your hair a static monster from your kitty hat, and you're barely conscious of us yanking a dress over your face (poorly).

You were a sweetheart at Nana's, but have fallen into a new pattern that you picked up in the TWO days you were ill. Because your crying got so much attention when you were sick, now you've taken to crying whenever something's not going your way (like Aunt Meg's using a chair you want to sit in, or Mommy's across the room). We're pulling that one up short on you, which means you're crying in the corner a lot right now. Poor kiddo, but I'm having none of it.

Goofy stuff you said today:

Dad was looking for a towel that I had brought up for him, and said so from the bedroom. You proceeded to yell, "DAD! IT'S RIGHT THERE! IN FRONT OF YOU! LOOK HARDER!" Which was what I was thinking. It tickled me so much that you and I got in a massive giggle fest for the next fifteen minutes. He found the towel. Good directions, sweetheart!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

January 2012

Oh my little darling. I keep wanting to update things or write down everything. So here's my goal: I want to update (short) once a day for all of 2012. I've tried this before, but I want to capture YOU right now, as you are. Because you're hilarious.

So here goes.

You've been REALLY sick for the past couple of days...sick to the point where you've been crying and angry. Usually, you bop through colds and fevers like they're nothing, this is one of the first ones that's ever slowed you down. You've having a hard time sleeping at night...last night was AWFUL. You can't breathe through your nose, so all your consonants are messed up (Right now, my name is Bommby.) But, you managed to get about 6 straight hours of sleep last night and woke up in muuuuch better spirits. Now we just have to undo all the mega-spoiling you've been receiving. (i.e. I fed you bread in the middle of the night, let you sleep with a sippy of apple juice because you SCREAMED when you drank water, have had innumerable popsicles, let you take baths without making you wash your hair...) It's funny because you are usually very easy going and happy (and articulate! You've lost all ability to form complete sentences and resorted to pointing, grunting and whining to get your point across). When you started talking again, I knew we were on the upswing.

I just love you so much, kiddo. Seeing you SO upset and in pain and frustrating has little made my heart catapult itself outwards and fall on the floor in a terrible stressed jumble.

Goofy things you said today:
In the middle of eating dinner out of NOWHERE, you looked up and said "I LOVE Cows!"

You insist on being the one to pray at every meal, and tonight you said "I love my family, and (and then you whispered to me: Do you know? She had shoes on...)

NIght night baby...please please please sleep.

Love,
Mom